TO SWAY WITH WINGS OF FIRE...

The bird proudly willing to burn,
So that she may live again,
Chooses the flames of fires
That burn the aged Phoenix
Then nature stands still
Till a new young bird starts again,
and begins the legend of the Phoenix...

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SWAY

I'm swaying in feelings that don't know how to feel
Emotions I cannot label
Memories I cannot recall...
Not enough to feel
Not enough to recall if they were ever real
Uncertain of my place...
Of the face
That I see before me now...
I've been here too long.
I've been here before.

So I sway to and fro
From certain to unsure
From confident to fearful
From hopeful to regret
Burned by each turn
And I don't get to be the wind unless I choose...

So how do I choose?
And what do I feel?
And how can one EVER be sure
While in the flight
Swimming on waves of fire
And air
Blown about aimlessly
Wind that changes course
With the slightest temperature elevation
Or none at all?

And, so I sway...
And I suppose I'll continue this way...
Until I fall out of the sky...
Or become...

The fire
And the wind.

- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -



THE LEGEND OF THE PHOENIX
The myths of many cultures say that the sun, in fact, light itself, first entered the world in the form of a sacred bird. The Greeks called the bird the Phoenix. The Egyptians named it Benu and it personified the all-powerful Sun God, Atum, whose name literally means "to rise in brilliance". Representing rebirth and a harbinger of good fortune, the Phoenix is a robust archetypal symbol for growth and change. Chinese, Sumerian, Assyrian, Incan, and Aztec peoples all looked upon this creature as uniquely immortal. Perhaps the best known story comes from the Greeks who believed that after setting fire to itself, this magnificent bird had the power to rise up out of it's own ashes and soar majestically into the heavens.

The only one in all the world. She is born and soars the heavens for many human lifetimes. When it is her time to die, she builds a huge nest which not only nestles one golden egg but becomes her funeral pyre. As she dies the sun touches the nest and the flame rises, consuming her body and providing the brooding heat necessary to warm the egg. The fire finally dies down and there is stirring among the ashes.

Like a golden flame, bright as the sun, rises another golden bird, the only one in all the world.

Whether she is known as Phoenix, or any of a host of other names, she stands as the symbol of determined life which will not give way to any attempt to still or overcome it. The story of the Phoenix illuminates the inner authority each of us has to realize our full potential, achieve our greatest emotional, creative, and spiritual goals, and emerge transformed out of life's difficulties, our own inertia, or self-imposed limitations.



PHOENIX
(Now Playing)

I’ll tell you 'bout the future of a heart that heals with time...
Still I see in you someone I once knew
Way back in the past
When my song had words
And the words were meant for you
Tell me when did our future end?
Now I see the truth staring out a window
At love gone astray, running from herself
Trying to make believe that it was just a dream
'Cause when love asks of you more than you can give
You find a way to disappear

Don't you think it's strange
That love could make us strangers?
To be your friend: You ask too much of me
For now I need some time to be alone, yes alone
Isn't it strange to love alone, ain’t it strange to love alone

I know 'bout the future that only time will tell
If you see in me, someone you once knew
A shadow in your life
Before your song had words
And your words will ring true
About love you left in the flames
Well when the smoke clears and I rise
You'll see pain deep in my eyes
But you won't see a tender heart afraid of breaking
The time for tears, the time for tears is yesterday
The time for my life is now
It's time to say
My heart will rise again
I will rise again

- Frank McComb -

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"Sway" is just a free write; jumbled thoughts and feelings I just needed to get out of my head.

The rest of this is the evolution of the thoughts of my soul...




~A

A CONVERSATION PIECE

A Conversation Piece

"Don’t punish me for the mistakes of others”

Yet you turned around and made those same mistakes

“You can believe in what I say”

And I did, so it’s my heart that now breaks

“I want the same things that you do”

So I surrendered, let you make me your own

“You are my TwinKin, of this I’m sure”

So I abandoned my doubts and gave into your ‘Known’

“We’re connected at the core,
We just need to make time to get to know”

Then:

“It’s not convenient anymore,
So now I’ll take back all the love I’ve shown”

“Baby, You’re everything to me”

But only when it 's easy, never work

And “I’m not going anywhere”

Guess it’s accountability you shirked

“My love for you STILL runs so deep,

So don’t believe my actions, just my words”

“My halting of kindness to you

Does not mean I don’t understand your worth”

“Times are hard, but we’ll be fine”

As long as I accepted scraps with smiles
But scraps said you don’t love me now
And in this journey, you haven’t for miles

“I’m sorry that I didn’t know
Midstream I would randomly change my mind.”

I’M sorry that you lied to YOU
And now I’VE had to pay the price of TIME

“It moved too fast, I couldn’t sustain”

Is that why you promised LOVE wouldn’t change?

“You deserve someone better then me”

Is that how we bail out on 'love' these days?

“Maybe we’re just too different”

I fucking think I said that once, I swear
But you convinced me otherwise
Now your hypocrisy is lying bare

“Maybe we could be ‘something else’”

But DAYS ago, you said “let’s make THIS work”

Seems you were hiding something false
Somewhere between your water and my Earth

“I’m not the one who said let’s end”

As if your cruelty left some other choice
And FUCK YOU, I won’t be your friend
For a friend would have felt the pain in my voice

I want someone who doesn’t change
Not in ways that mean they are unstable
And you told me, that you were sure
But promise keeping, I fear you’re not able

“We shouldn’t end; I still love you,
Just not enough to put in any work”

It’s sad to know, you couldn’t see
That in LOVE only ACTIONS back up WORDS.

“I can’t love you, AND work on me”

Some shyt you should have spoken from the start
And yet you say it hurts you when
I tell you I don’t trust you with MY heart

“You only see things your own way”

But I’m the one who lives here on the ground
Your whole life is a fantasy
According to the horoscopes we found…

“I’m a bastard; I’m a jerk,
For handling precious you with little care”

Apologies, they don’t mean much
Unless they are repentant, said with prayer
I’m sorry means I did you wrong
It does not mean you won’t repeat the act
Repentance says; ‘never again’
You right the wrongs, and honor every pact.

“But I can’t give what I once gave”

So you expected me to just hang on…
While you treated me with contempt
Your selfish ways left me dangling alone

“Why didn’t you just walk away?”

Did you forget the things you shared with ‘speed’?
You said you needed time; I thought
One day the real YOU would come back to me.

They say ‘Love Is A Battlefield”
And I know that this one last thing is true
You should’ve learned to live IN TRUTH
Before uttering words to me like:

“I LOVE YOU”


- Copyrighted AnOmali 101 -

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"If I leave here tomorrow...
Will you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on now...
There's too many things I've yet to see.

And if I stay here with you now...
Things could never be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot chain

Oh, Lord knows I can't change
Lord knows I can't change
Lord knows I can't change
Lord knows I can't change..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I loved you well...and you will not forget me...

And you will not replace me...

And one day you will see what was real, and what was not...

And like so many days before...

You'll want to pick up the phone...

Just to repeat back to me the truth(s)...

Of things I told you long ago...

But, by then, I'll be long gone...

Even though my heart wanted to stay...

It's funny how different things can speak to you.

I was watching the end of King Kong as I wrote this...

And this thought came to me so clearly

It was as if it was being spoken to me

Whispered in my ear:

"Anything that we do not understand,

And which we can not control,

We destroy..."


I love you...

AIDS: SPREAD THIS!!!

In the Life "Out Takes"
Written by Harvey Fierstein
Title: "AIDS, Spread This!"

As you may know I'm back on Broadway. That's right. These shaved eyebrows are not meant as a fashion statement.

Well, no sooner had I arrived in my dressing room than the requests to perform AIDS benefits began to pile up. Nothing new about that. I do AIDS benefits all the time, but the sheer number of requests started me thinking why are we still doing this? Has nothing changed in the last fifteen years?

And, if not, why not?

Have we wasted two decades battling the wrong cause of AIDS?

For the better part of the last twenty years, my friends and I have sacrificed time, energy, and resources to the crisis.

We've raised money, performed shows, spoken out at schools, on TV, at rallies, in movies, hospital wards, street corners…

We've marched and protested and screamed ourselves hoarse.

We've sought out experts, trained the counselors, built hospital wards, created hospices, hand held patients, counseled families, and sewn memorial quilt panels in every city of every state of this nation.

We've back-roomed politicians and bullied pulpits, lambasted school boards and blackballed bigots. We've written legislation and pamphlets and found funding for prevention.

We fought court battles, and took on drug companies. We've smuggled meds, phonied insurance forms, bribed healthcare workers to get what patients needed. We've lectured and written about our experiences.

We've buried our friends and our lovers and our family members and our neighbors.

We've passed out condoms, and rubbered bananas, and worn red ribbons to every public event imaginable.

We've held world events and out-mediaed every single other disease ever contracted by man or beast.

We've spread the message in all conceivable languages that AIDS is a deadly but difficult to contract, and completely preventable disease.

We've done all this for the better part of twenty years and still AIDS is a day-to-day reality in our community.

Am I alone and feeling like a political fool, a social fossil and a community failure? I know folks who think that being HIV-positive is cool, sexy, and desirable.

I know HIV-positive people who have unprotected sex with others without care or conscience.

I know HIV-positive people who only have unprotected sex. I know HIV-negative people who only have unprotected sex.

I've spoken to an HIV-negative teen who only wanted two things in this world: to meet a nice guy and to seroconvert.

Now, if these people care so little about their own lives and well being, why should I care?

I should give up my Saturday night to raise money to buy drugs for some punk who went out and got AIDS thinking it was cool?

I should sign posters and theater programs for auctions to pay for the treatment of someone who continues to have unprotected sex spreading the misery?

Should I waste my time and energy fighting to keep the infecting of others with HIV decriminalized and a private matter?

Why waste money buying condoms to distribute when I can't even get some of my own acquaintances to have safer sex?

Shouldn't I forgo all this goody-two-shoe crap and just let the next generation fester on drug c*cktails and slowly die?

Why not? My generation has struggled and sacrificed all of these years and we've made little difference.

Why shouldn't I stop wasting my time?

Or have we been fighting the wrong cause of this epidemic all along? Have we? I may be ready to join those nut cases who claim HIV does not spread AIDS. No, I don't blame AIDS on government testing or bio-warfare.

I believe AIDS is spread by the same killer virus that has stalked and destroyed our people for as long as we've existed.

Forget "Silence = Death"!

How about "Self-Loathing = AIDS"?

Simply stated: Happy people don't hang themselves, do they?


- Copyright 2003 Harvey Fierstein -

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I hope you read this in it's entirety and pass it on! This is a battle we don't have to keep losing...but it's time to stop putting a bandaid on this cancer: It must be cut out!


~A