When You Are More Than They're Used To...

✨Originally Posted Today 8 Years Ago✨

When I Was A Child, My Mom Explained To Me That Sometimes Your Light Is So Bright That People Would Rather Try To Snuff It Out Than Look At It (Or You)... 

It Either Hurts The Eyes Of Their Egos And Illuminates Their Own Inadequacies And Dysfunction In Uncomfortable Ways, Or It Just Reflects Back To Them Their Own Darkness...

Neither Is Your Fault Or Problem. Being Misunderstood, Rejected, Belittled Or Even Abandoned By Those Who Can Not Handle The Magnitude Of Your Destiny Doesn't Diminish Your Worth. Rejection Is An Unkind And Unfair Prerequisite On The Path To Greatness. 

It's Easier For Most People To Celebrate Mediocrity Than Brilliance. Elevating Basic, Ordinary And Average, Or Just Above, Is Easy. It Feels Attainable. Within Reach. Like Maybe They Could Achieve The Same Heights As Those Who've Stumbled And Lucked Into Success And Celebration Through Sheer Chance And Unwarranted Support By People Too Small And Insecure To Acknowledge (Or, Show Loyalty To) The Remarkable Among Them.

Extraordinary, Though, Is Hard To Accept Or Celebrate For The Ordinary Because It Is Unattainable. It Is A Birthright. It Can't Be Faked Or Learned. It Just Is. And, Until The Rest Of The World Catches Up And It And You Have Become Undeniable, People Will Play You Down And Pretend Not To See Your Light Or You Just To Preserve Their Own Fragile Senses Of Self, Reality, Security And Possibility.

People Know When They Aren't On Your Level. They Know When They Can Never Go Where You're Going. And, If They Can Convince You That You're Nothing Special — That You're Not As Bright, Shiny And As Unique As The Star You Truly Are, You Won't Get There, Either...

DO NOT LET THEM. 

There Is Absolutely Nothing Wrong With Being Extraordinary, Special, Brilliant, Vibrant, Beautiful, Gifted, Magnificent, Different, Anointed, Unique Or Even An *AnOmali*!... 

So, Never Dim Yourself For The Appeasement, Acceptance Or Approval (Or Even The Love) Of Others... Don't Let Rejection Or Denial Make You See Yourself As Less Than God Made You To Be. Your Time Will Come. Your Light Will Shine For The Whole World To See. And, It Will Be Undeniable. 🔥⭐🌠

#SHINE ✨

#Butterpillar 🦋

On Dave Chappelle And The Intentionally Obtuse Hypocrisy Of The Queer Community...

Queer friendly, alphabet adjacent person here (P 🍳)... I honestly believe a lot of what Dave Chappelle said in his last comedy special was taken WAY out of context. And, the fact that he was also making JOKES based in very deliberate truths that the LGBTQIA community is WELL aware of and discuss privately and regularly was missed entirely by most of his detractors. 

He made very valid points, and as someone who's worked and lived WITHIN in the LGBTQIA community extensively (I founded and ran a sizeable non-profit in this community that included ALL the children and although I have a clear preference for men at this point in my life, have always identified as PAN...#Heteroflexible), and with every letter, (I've probably more experience with the trans community than most), I personally believe that a lot of the backlash is based in narcissism which is RAMPANT in this community. Yep. I said it. 

Some alphabet folks are going to take offense no matter what he said because that's what they wanted to do before they even saw the routine. I believe the Bible refers to it as "the sin of offense"... And, it is laced with arrogance and entitlement, ignorance and lack of self awareness or any awareness of any other person or group in the world as equally important to one's own "plight". And, I'm about as minority (triple) and marginalized at they come statistically speaking, so... This is no outside perspective. 

Victimhood seems addictive to this community and I'm over it, especially considering how much racism and privilege exists within it (Google the issues of race, elitism and division in the queer community). He NAILED that point and I need everyone to stop pretending we haven't been having THAT discussion for YEARS... Anyone from Philly should remember all the craziness with Sisters and other clubs in the "gayborhood" because of the blatant racism that goes on to this day, including how the cops would only harass and raid the predominantly Black clubs like Libations... 

Black women are murdered disproportionately in this country. Period. Not just Black trans women. Their rate is higher, but, that is relative when you look at the bigger statistics. And, if women are women, and we aren't to differentiate generally, then... Black people are murdered at high rates period. Not just queer people or queer Black people. And, WE get murdered by the POLICE at higher rates than EVERYONE ELSE... And, Black queer people are at even higher risk to it ALL. To be clear, I'm not minimizing anyone's suffering or inequity. But, it's all relative in the bigger picture and the statistical comparison does lend some perspective. And, stating these facts doesn't minimize the imminent danger of one group over the other. But, these groups overlap significantly. 

Everything can't just be about one group ALL THE DAMN TIME and the queer community is NOT the only vulnerable group in the world although you wouldn't know it with all of this commotion every time somebody gets their panties in a bunch over nothing (Dave is NOT going to get anyone killed and that notion is hyperbolic and annoying!).

Furthermore, everyone in this community isn't some innocent victim being attacked by the brilliant, funny man provoking thoughts and calling out and challenging BS no matter what group it's coming from. He does this to EVERYONE. His points were solid and much of his humor and accurate observations went over the heads (and, egos) of most of those who are most outraged. 

A lot of what he said was contextual and my queer people purposely took it out of context and intentionally missed every positive implication because it's easier to just make everyone the enemy and continue to play the victim and find something innane to protest instead of the real, convoluted, nuanced and difficult issues we face as a people. Because it's all about visibility, right? Even though I thought equality and justice, accountability and normalization was the real goal...👀

I've seen this phenomenon way too many times up close and personal in the microcosm of community and organizations I've worked in and for. Rebels without a cause or simply taking up the wrong cause because it gets them more attention while the real work goes undone in the community they claim to love so well and the real victims within it suffer disproportionately as a result. 

There are much bigger fish to fry than a comedian who is perfectly entitled to his humor, observation, intellectual approach and opinions. One of his first jokes was about space and Jews. SPACE JEWS! Yet you don't hear a soul talking about that and decrying antisemitism — because it WASN'T antisemitic. It was a historical and current social observation about what is going on in Israel and with the Palestinians. It's hard to argue with a joke based in hard truth. 

In summary, I'm so sick of this community acting deliberately daft and being intentionally obtuse about this comedy special as if they are unable to process nuance and shades of gray. Because if any community knows the world isn't in all black and white, it's this one — the masters of all SHADE: loosely defined as uncomfortable humor based in truth! And, truth be told, there is no more powerful group of "marginalized people" anywhere in the world than the LGBTQIA gang.

Dave is brilliant. What he a said was true however uncomfortable. Gay is more protected than Black in this country even though it can be hidden and skin color can NOT be. A hit dog will holler. It was funny. He's not homo or trans phobic, he's just not afraid to confront people smack in the middle of their own cognitive dissonance, lack of perspective and accountability and personal delusions. And, I'm irked that people are still dwelling on this as if we're not in a whole pandemic with millions dead, Black lives still don't matter enough, the foster care system and all social services aren't a disaster, there's no cure for cancer or AIDS, Israel is not still terrorizing, murdering and displacing Palestinians...and there is not STILL war and children starving in Africa...👀

He's a Comedian. He did his job. He's rich and he won't be canceled nor should he be. 

It's seriously time to move on...

✨A MORNING CONFESSION✨

I'ᴠᴇ Sᴘᴇɴᴛ Mʏ Eɴᴛɪʀᴇ Lɪғᴇ Bᴇɪɴɢ Tᴏᴛᴀʟʟʏ Cʟᴜᴇᴅ Iɴ Aɴᴅ Cᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ Oғ Mʏ Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ Iɴ Eᴠᴇʀʏ Iɴᴄᴀʀɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ Oғ Sᴇʟғ. Mʏ Gɪғᴛs, Dʀᴇᴀᴍs Aɴᴅ Mʏ Gᴏᴀʟs Wᴇʀᴇ Aʟᴡᴀʏs Oʙᴠɪᴏᴜs, Wᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ Iɴ Tᴀɴᴅᴇᴍ Tᴏᴡᴀʀᴅs Fᴜʟғɪʟʟɪɴɢ Tʜɪs Kɴᴏᴡɴ Aɴᴅ Fᴀᴍɪʟɪᴀʀ Iᴍᴘᴇᴛᴜs. Hᴏᴡᴇᴠᴇʀ, Iɴ Rᴇsᴘᴏɴsᴇ Tᴏ Lɪғᴇ, Iᴛ's Tᴡɪsᴛs, Tᴜʀɴs, Tʀɪᴀʟs, Cʜᴀɴɢᴇs Aɴᴅ (Mᴏʀᴇ Tʜᴀɴ) Oᴄᴄᴀsɪᴏɴᴀʟ Cʀᴜᴇʟᴛʏ, Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ Is Dɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ Oɴ Tʜᴇ Iɴsɪᴅᴇ Oғ Mᴇ Nᴏᴡ... 

Fᴏʀ Tʜᴇ Vᴇʀʏ Fɪʀsᴛ Tɪᴍᴇ Iɴ Mʏ Lɪғᴇ, I'ᴍ Nᴏᴛ Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇʟʏ Sᴜʀᴇ, Oʀ Mᴏʀᴇ Aᴘᴛʟʏ Sᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ, I'ᴍ Oɴʟʏ Cᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ Iɴ Pᴀʀᴛ, Oғ Mʏ Aʙsᴏʟᴜᴛᴇ, Mᴜʟᴛɪғᴀᴄᴇᴛᴇᴅ Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ. Iᴛ Sᴇᴇᴍs Sᴏᴍᴇʜᴏᴡ Tʜᴀᴛ I'ᴠᴇ Oɴʟʏ Sᴄʀᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ Tʜᴇ Sᴜʀғᴀᴄᴇ; Tʜᴀᴛ Mʏ Dᴇsᴛɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ (Aɴᴅ, Dᴇsᴛɪɴʏ) Is Sᴏᴍᴇʜᴏᴡ Bʀᴏᴀᴅᴇʀ, Dᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ, Wɪᴅᴇʀ, LOOKS DIFFERENT...Tʜᴀɴ I Wᴀs Aʙʟᴇ Tᴏ Gʀᴀsᴘ Wɪᴛʜ Mʏ Yᴏᴜɴɢᴇʀ Sᴇʟғ — 20 Yᴇᴀʀs Aɢᴏ, A Dᴇᴄᴀᴅᴇ Aɢᴏ, Aɴᴅ Mᴀʏʙᴇ, Eᴠᴇɴ Jᴜsᴛ Yᴇsᴛᴇʀᴅᴀʏ... 

Rᴇɪɴᴠᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ Aɴᴅ Dʀᴇᴀᴍ Pᴀᴛʜ Sʜɪғᴛɪɴɢ (Nᴏᴛ Dʀᴇᴀᴍ Cʜᴀɴɢɪɴɢ — Mʏ Dʀᴇᴀᴍs Aʀᴇ Sᴛɪʟʟ Qᴜɪᴛᴇ Cʟᴇᴀʀ Eᴠᴇɴ Iғ Tʜᴇʏ Lᴏᴏᴍ Fᴀʀ Mᴏʀᴇ Iᴍᴘᴏsɪɴɢ Aɴᴅ Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇx Tʜᴀɴ Oɴᴄᴇ Iᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇᴅ Aɴᴅ Mᴀᴋᴇ Mᴀɴɪғᴇsᴛ Tʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ A Mᴜʀᴋʏ, Dɪᴠᴇʀɢᴇɴᴛ Pᴀᴛʜ) Is Sᴄᴀʀʏ As Hᴇʟʟ Fᴏʀ Sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ Wʜᴏ Hᴀs Aʟᴡᴀʏs Bᴇᴇɴ, Wᴀs Bᴏʀɴ Bᴇɪɴɢ, Sᴏ Vᴇʀʏ Sᴜʀᴇ Oғ Wʜᴏ Sʜᴇ Wᴀs, Wʜʏ Sʜᴇ Wᴀs Hᴇʀᴇ, Aɴᴅ Exᴀᴄᴛʟʏ Wʜᴀᴛ Sʜᴇ Wᴀs Pᴜᴛ Oɴ Tʜɪs Pʟᴀɴᴇᴛ Tᴏ Dᴏ.

Tʜɪs Is Pᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴜʟᴀʀʟʏ Tʀᴜᴇ Iɴ Lɪɢʜᴛ Oғ Tʜᴇ Yᴇᴀʀs I'ᴠᴇ Sᴘᴇɴᴛ Dᴇᴄᴏɴsᴛʀᴜᴄᴛɪɴɢ Mʏ Fᴀɪᴛʜ As I Rᴇᴄᴏɴsᴛʀᴜᴄᴛᴇᴅ Mʏsᴇʟғ (Sᴘɪʀɪᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ, Eᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ, Eᴛᴄ.) Wʜɪᴄʜ Hᴀs Aʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ Tʀᴀɴsғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ Mʏ Pᴇʀsᴘᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ Iɴ Aʟʟ Tʜɪɴɢs Aɴᴅ Rᴇғʀᴀᴍᴇᴅ Mʏ Eɴᴛɪʀᴇ Wᴏʀʟᴅ Aɴᴅ Wᴏʀʟᴅ Vɪᴇᴡ. Iᴛ's A LOT Tᴏ Tᴀᴋᴇ Iɴ... Tᴏ Wᴀʟᴋ Iɴ... Bᴜᴛ, Aᴛ Lᴇᴀsᴛ I Aᴍ Nᴏ Lᴏɴɢᴇʀ Iɴ A Sᴛᴀᴛᴇ Oғ Exɪsᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴀʟ Cʀɪsɪs (Hᴇʟʟᴏ 2018/2019!). Jᴜsᴛ Oɴᴇ Oғ Pᴇʀᴘᴇᴛᴜᴀʟ (Dɪᴠɪɴᴇ) Sᴇᴇᴋɪɴɢ, Qᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴɪɴɢ Aɴᴅ Hᴜᴍɪʟɪᴛʏ... 

As I Eᴠᴏʟᴠᴇ, I Iᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ Mʏ Dʀᴇᴀᴍs Aɴᴅ, Sᴏ, Mʏ Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ, Mᴜsᴛ Eᴠᴏʟᴠᴇ, Tᴏᴏ. I Jᴜsᴛ Hᴀᴠᴇ Tᴏ Kᴇᴇᴘ Gᴏɪɴɢ, Kᴇᴇᴘ Gʀᴏᴡɪɴɢ Aɴᴅ Kᴇᴇᴘ Dᴏɪɴɢ Tʜᴇ Wᴏʀᴋ Oғ Gᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ Tᴏ Kɴᴏᴡ Tʜɪs Vᴇʀsɪᴏɴ Oғ Sᴇʟғ Fᴏʀɢᴇᴅ Bʏ Fɪʀᴇ, Rᴇᴍᴀɪɴ Oᴘᴇɴ Tᴏ Fᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ Tʀᴀɴsɪᴛɪᴏɴ Aɴᴅ Tʀᴀɴsᴍᴜᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, Aɴᴅ I MUST Rᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ Tʜᴀᴛ...:

#GᴏᴅDʀᴇᴀᴍsTʜᴇBɪɢɢᴇʀDʀᴇᴀᴍ ✨

#𝓐𝓷𝓞𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓲™

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

#𝕸𝔢𝔱𝔞𝕮𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔩 🔥

#Mⷨᴀͣɴɪͥғᴇͤs͛ᴛⷮɪͥɴɢ 🔮

#𝐒ₑₗ𝐟𝐋ₒᵥₑ𝐈ₛₐ𝐅ᵤₗₗ𝐓ᵢₘₑ𝐆ᵢ𝐠 👑

#ɢₒᴅᴅᵣₑₐₘₛₜₕₑᵦᵢɢɢₑᵣᴅᵣₑₐₘ ⭐

#𝓘𝓐𝓶𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓕𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮 ♀️

#𝐼𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑀𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑠 ⚛️ 

#𝑈𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑠𝑆𝑎𝑚𝑒 🦄

#IKɴᴏᴡMʏWᴏʀᴛʜ 💎

#𝔐𝔶𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢ℑ𝔰𝔄𝔫𝔒𝔠𝔢𝔞𝔫 🌊

#𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝐼𝑠𝐴𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒‼️ 

#𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝐺𝑆𝑝𝑜𝑡 🎯

#𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦𝑀𝑦𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑙 🧩

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑑 🏆

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑊𝑎𝑖𝑡 🔜

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑂𝑛𝑒 💍

#QᴜᴇᴇɴTʜɪɴɢs 🏰

#𝑵ᴇᴠᴇʀ𝑺ᴇᴛᴛʟᴇ ✊🏽

#LᴀᴛᴇTᴏTʜᴇPᴀʀᴛʏBᴇʟʟᴇOғTʜᴇBᴀʟʟ 🩰

#TʀᴜᴇGʀᴇᴀᴛɴᴇssDᴏᴇsNᴏᴛFᴇᴀʀTɪᴍᴇ ⏳

#YᴏᴜʀGɪғᴛsWɪʟʟMᴀᴋᴇRᴏᴏᴍFᴏʀYᴏᴜ 🎁

#IғYᴏᴜᴠᴇCᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅMᴇOᴜᴛKᴇᴇᴘCᴏᴜɴᴛɪɴɢ 🔝

TRUST THE PROCESS...

I'ᴍ Sᴏ Fᴜʟʟ Oғ Gʀᴀᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ, Oᴘᴛɪᴍɪsᴍ, Hᴏᴘᴇ...Aɴᴅ, A Pᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴜʟᴀʀ Iɴᴇxᴘʟɪᴄᴀʙʟᴇ Cᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴛʏ Tᴏᴅᴀʏ... I Wɪsʜ I Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Bᴏᴛᴛʟᴇ Tʜɪs Fᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ — Tʜɪs "Kɴᴏᴡɪɴɢ" Tʜᴀᴛ Is Bᴜʙʙʟɪɴɢ Uᴘ Fʀᴏᴍ Dᴇᴇᴘ Wɪᴛʜɪɴ Mʏ Sᴏᴜʟ Tᴏ Tʜᴇ Sᴜʀғᴀᴄᴇ Oғ Mʏ Rᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ As A Rᴇᴍɪɴᴅᴇʀ Oғ Wʜᴏ Aɴᴅ Wʜᴏ's I Aᴍ Aɴᴅ Aʟʟ I'ᴍ Mᴇᴀɴᴛ Tᴏ Dᴏ Aɴᴅ Bᴇ Iɴ Tɪᴍᴇs Wʜᴇɴ I Fᴏʀɢᴇᴛ...; Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ I'ᴍ Mᴀᴅᴇ Fᴏʀ Aɴᴅ Cᴏ-Cʀᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ. Mᴀʏ Wᴇ Aʟʟ Fᴜʟғɪʟʟ Oᴜʀ Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ, Mᴀɴɪғᴇsᴛ Oᴜʀ Gʀᴇᴀᴛᴇsᴛ Dʀᴇᴀᴍs Aɴᴅ, Wʜɪʟᴇ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴɢ Tʀᴜᴇ Cᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ Iɴ Oᴜʀ Mᴇᴀɴᴛɪᴍᴇ, Tʀᴜsᴛ Tʜᴇ Pʀᴏᴄᴇss...✨

#BᴏʀɴFᴏʀTʜɪs 🐦‍🔥

#𝓐𝓷𝓞𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓲™

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

#𝕸𝔢𝔱𝔞𝕮𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔩 🔥

#Mⷨᴀͣɴɪͥғᴇͤs͛ᴛⷮɪͥɴɢ 🔮

#ℭ𝔥𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔱ℭ𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔠𝔦𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰🕇

#𝐒ₑₗ𝐟𝐋ₒᵥₑ𝐈ₛₐ𝐅ᵤₗₗ𝐓ᵢₘₑ𝐆ᵢ𝐠 👑

#ɢₒᴅᴅᵣₑₐₘₛₜₕₑᵦᵢɢɢₑᵣᴅᵣₑₐₘ ⭐

#𝓘𝓐𝓶𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓕𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮 ♀️

#𝐼𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑀𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑠 ⚛️ 

#𝑈𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑠𝑆𝑎𝑚𝑒 🦄

#IKɴᴏᴡMʏWᴏʀᴛʜ 💎

#𝔐𝔶𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢ℑ𝔰𝔄𝔫𝔒𝔠𝔢𝔞𝔫 🌊

#𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝐼𝑠𝐴𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒‼️ 

#𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝐺𝑆𝑝𝑜𝑡 🎯

#𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦𝑀𝑦𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑙 🧩

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑑 🏆

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑊𝑎𝑖𝑡 🔜

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑂𝑛𝑒 💍

#QᴜᴇᴇɴTʜɪɴɢs 🏰

#𝑵ᴇᴠᴇʀ𝑺ᴇᴛᴛʟᴇ ✊🏽

#LᴀᴛᴇTᴏTʜᴇPᴀʀᴛʏBᴇʟʟᴇOғTʜᴇBᴀʟʟ 🩰

#TʀᴜᴇGʀᴇᴀᴛɴᴇssDᴏᴇsNᴏᴛFᴇᴀʀTɪᴍᴇ ⏳

#YᴏᴜʀGɪғᴛsWɪʟʟMᴀᴋᴇRᴏᴏᴍFᴏʀYᴏᴜ 🎁

#IғYᴏᴜᴠᴇCᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅMᴇOᴜᴛKᴇᴇᴘCᴏᴜɴᴛɪɴɢ 🔝

SLINGSHOT...🏹

I'ᴍ Iɴᴄʀᴇᴅɪʙʟʏ Gʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ Tʜᴀᴛ I Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Fᴇᴇʟ Tʜᴇ Nᴇᴇᴅ Tᴏ Kᴇᴇᴘ Cᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛʟʏ Pʀᴀʏɪɴɢ Fᴏʀ Aɴᴅ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Tʜɪɴɢs I'ᴠᴇ Aʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ Pʀᴀʏᴇᴅ Fᴏʀ Aɴᴅ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Aɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ. — I'ᴍ Fɪɴᴀʟʟʏ Oᴘᴇʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ Iɴ Gᴇɴᴜɪɴᴇ FAITH Aɴᴅ EXPECTATION. Tʜɪs Is Nᴇᴡ Tᴇʀʀɪᴛᴏʀʏ Fᴏʀ Mᴇ. I'ᴠᴇ Aʟᴡᴀʏs Bᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇᴅ Mᴏʀᴇ Fᴏʀ Oᴛʜᴇʀs Tʜᴀɴ I Eᴠᴇʀ Hᴀᴠᴇ Fᴏʀ Mʏsᴇʟғ. Sᴏ Tʜɪs Tʜɪs Rᴇᴀʟɪᴢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ Tᴏᴅᴀʏ Wᴀs Aɴ Aᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ Aɴᴅ Uɴᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ Eᴘɪᴘʜᴀɴʏ... I Rᴇᴀʟʟʏ Tʀᴜsᴛ Gᴏᴅ, Tʀᴜsᴛ Mʏ Oᴡɴ Mᴏᴍᴇɴᴛᴜᴍ Aɴᴅ Fɪɴᴀʟʟʏ Fᴇᴇʟ Sᴀғᴇ Eɴᴏᴜɢʜ Tᴏ Exᴘᴇᴄᴛ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ Tʜɪɴɢs...Fᴏʀ ME (Tᴏᴏ)! Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I'ᴍ Wᴏʀᴛʜʏ. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I'ᴍ Gʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I AM... 

#WʜᴇɴTʜᴇWᴏʀᴋPᴀʏsOғғ 💪🏽

#Mᴀɴɪғᴇsᴛɪɴɢ ✨

#𝓐𝓷𝓞𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓲™

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

#𝕸𝔢𝔱𝔞𝕮𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔩 🔥

#Mⷨᴀͣɴɪͥғᴇͤs͛ᴛⷮɪͥɴɢ 🔮

#𝐒ₑₗ𝐟𝐋ₒᵥₑ𝐈ₛₐ𝐅ᵤₗₗ𝐓ᵢₘₑ𝐆ᵢ𝐠 👑

#ɢₒᴅᴅᵣₑₐₘₛₜₕₑᵦᵢɢɢₑᵣᴅᵣₑₐₘ ⭐

#𝓘𝓐𝓶𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓕𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮 ♀️

#𝐼𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑀𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑠 ⚛️ 

#𝑈𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑠𝑆𝑎𝑚𝑒 🦄

#IKɴᴏᴡMʏWᴏʀᴛʜ 💎

#𝔐𝔶𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢ℑ𝔰𝔄𝔫𝔒𝔠𝔢𝔞𝔫 🌊

#𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝐼𝑠𝐴𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒‼️ 

#𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝐺𝑆𝑝𝑜𝑡 🎯

#𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦𝑀𝑦𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑙 🧩

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑑 🏆

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑊𝑎𝑖𝑡 🔜

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑂𝑛𝑒 💍

#QᴜᴇᴇɴTʜɪɴɢs 🏰

#𝑵ᴇᴠᴇʀ𝑺ᴇᴛᴛʟᴇ ✊🏽

#LᴀᴛᴇTᴏTʜᴇPᴀʀᴛʏBᴇʟʟᴇOғTʜᴇBᴀʟʟ 🩰

#TʀᴜᴇGʀᴇᴀᴛɴᴇssDᴏᴇsNᴏᴛFᴇᴀʀTɪᴍᴇ ⏳

#YᴏᴜʀGɪғᴛsWɪʟʟMᴀᴋᴇRᴏᴏᴍFᴏʀYᴏᴜ 🎁

#IғYᴏᴜᴠᴇCᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅMᴇOᴜᴛKᴇᴇᴘCᴏᴜɴᴛɪɴɢ 🔝

BECAUSE I'M ALIVE...

Tᴏᴅᴀʏ Hᴀs Bᴇᴇɴ A Rᴏʟʟᴇʀᴄᴏᴀsᴛᴇʀ Oғ Eᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs. Fʀᴏᴍ Gʀɪᴇғ Oᴠᴇʀ Tʜᴇ Lᴏss Oғ A Lᴏᴠᴇᴅ Oɴᴇ Tᴏ Tʀɪᴜᴍᴘʜ Oᴠᴇʀ Aᴄʜɪᴇᴠɪɴɢ A Pᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟ Gᴏᴀʟ Tʜᴀᴛ Hᴀs Eʟᴜᴅᴇᴅ Mᴇ Fᴏʀ Mᴏɴᴛʜs Tᴏ Gʀᴀᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ Jᴜsᴛ Fᴏʀ Bᴇɪɴɢ Aʟɪᴠᴇ Tᴏ Sᴏʙʀɪᴇᴛʏ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Hᴏᴡ Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ Tɪᴍᴇ Wᴇ Hᴀᴠᴇ Tᴏ Lɪᴠᴇ Oᴜᴛ Oᴜʀ Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ Wʜɪʟᴇ Hᴇʀᴇ Oɴ Eᴀʀᴛʜ Tᴏ Tʜᴇ Sᴀᴛɪᴇᴛʏ Aɴᴅ Sᴀɴɪᴛʏ Oғ Iɴᴛɪᴍᴀᴛᴇ Wᴏʀsʜɪᴘ Iɴ Tʜᴇ Pʀᴇsᴇɴᴄᴇ Aɴᴅ Sᴏʟᴀᴄᴇ Oғ Gᴏᴅ...

I'ᴠᴇ Cʀɪᴇᴅ Bᴏᴛʜ Tᴇᴀʀs Oғ Sᴏʀʀᴏᴡ Aɴᴅ Tᴇᴀʀs Oғ Gʀᴀᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ Tᴏᴅᴀʏ. Lᴀsᴛ Wᴇᴇᴋ Wᴀs Sᴏ Hᴀʀᴅ Fᴏʀ Mᴇ. Mʏ Tʜʏʀᴏɪᴅ Dᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ Tᴏ Pʟᴀʏ Gᴀᴍᴇs Wɪᴛʜ Mʏ Eɴᴇʀɢʏ Aɴᴅ Mʏ Hᴀsʜɪᴍᴏᴛᴏ's Sʏᴍᴘᴛᴏᴍs (Aɴ Aᴜᴛᴏɪᴍᴍᴜɴᴇ Dɪsᴇᴀsᴇ) Wᴇɴᴛ Iɴᴛᴏ Oᴠᴇʀᴅʀɪᴠᴇ Wʜɪᴄʜ Aғғᴇᴄᴛs Eᴠᴇʀʏ Asᴘᴇᴄᴛ Oғ Mʏ Lɪғᴇ Aɴᴅ Tʜᴇ Qᴜᴀʟɪᴛʏ Oғ Mʏ Lɪᴠɪɴɢ... Iᴛ's Lɪᴋᴇ Wᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ Tʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ Wᴀᴛᴇʀ Aᴛ Tʜᴇ Bᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ Oғ Tʜᴇ Sᴇᴀ Wɪᴛʜ A Sᴛᴇᴇʟ Bᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀ Cʜᴀɪɴᴇᴅ Tᴏ Yᴏᴜʀ Bᴏᴅʏ Aɴᴅ Dᴇɴsᴇ, Dᴀʀᴋ Fᴏɢ Wʜᴇʀᴇ Yᴏᴜʀ Cᴏɢɴɪᴛɪᴠᴇ Fᴜɴᴄᴛɪᴏɴ, Fᴏᴄᴜs Aɴᴅ Mᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇs Sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ Rᴇsɪᴅᴇ...

Bᴜᴛ, Tʜᴇɴ, Tʜɪs Wᴇᴇᴋ, TODAY — I Hᴀᴅ Tʜᴇ Wɪɴᴅ Kɴᴏᴄᴋᴇᴅ Oᴜᴛ Oғ Mᴇ. A Lɪᴛᴇʀᴀʟ Gᴜᴛ Pᴜɴᴄʜ Tʜᴀᴛ Tʀɪɢɢᴇʀᴇᴅ Sᴏ Mᴀɴʏ Oᴛʜᴇʀ Fᴇᴇʟɪɴɢs, Mᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇs Aɴᴅ Gʀɪᴇғ. Sᴛɪʟʟ, I'ᴍ Iɴ A Mᴜᴄʜ Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Pʟᴀᴄᴇ Pʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ, Mᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ Aɴᴅ Eᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ — Oʀ, Aᴛ Lᴇᴀsᴛ I'ᴍ Gᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ Tʜᴇʀᴇ... Fᴏʀ Tʜɪs, I Aᴍ Sᴏ Gʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ, I Rᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ Wʜᴇɴ I Cᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ Bᴏᴜɴᴄᴇ Bᴀᴄᴋ Sᴏ Qᴜɪᴄᴋʟʏ Fʀᴏᴍ Aɴ Aʙʏss. I Dɪᴅɴ'ᴛ Aʟᴡᴀʏs Hᴀᴠᴇ Tʜᴇ Wɪʟʟ Wʜᴇɴ Iɴ Tʜᴇ Dᴇᴇᴘ Aɴᴅ Dᴀʀᴋ Tᴏ Kᴇᴇᴘ Cʜᴀsɪɴɢ Aғᴛᴇʀ Tʜᴇ Lɪɢʜᴛ Wʜᴇɴ I Cᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ Sᴇᴇ Iᴛ...

I Dᴏ Nᴏᴡ. 

Sᴏ, Iɴ Rᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛɪɴɢ Oɴ Tʜᴇ Eᴠᴇɴᴛs Oғ Tʜᴇ Dᴀʏ, Oғ Lᴀsᴛ Wᴇᴇᴋ, Oғ Tʜᴇ Lᴀsᴛ Aʟᴍᴏsᴛ 2 Yᴇᴀʀs Fᴏʀ Us Aʟʟ, Aɴᴅ Oᴠᴇʀ Mʏ Wʜᴏʟᴇ Lɪғᴇ, I'ᴍ Jᴜsᴛ Gʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ Tᴏ Hᴀᴠᴇ Kɴᴏᴡɴ, Lᴏᴠᴇᴅ, Aɴᴅ Bᴇᴇɴ Lᴏᴠᴇᴅ Bʏ Sᴏᴍᴇ Oғ Tʜᴇ Mᴏsᴛ Aᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ Pᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ Wʜɪʟᴇ Tʜᴇʏ Wᴇʀᴇ Hᴇʀᴇ. I'ᴍ Sᴏ Bʟᴇssᴇᴅ Tᴏ Hᴀᴠᴇ Bᴇᴇɴ Bᴏʀɴ Aᴛ Tʜɪs Tɪᴍᴇ, Jᴜsᴛ Tʜᴇ Rɪɢʜᴛ Tɪᴍᴇ, Tᴏ Sᴏᴊᴏᴜʀɴ Tʜɪs Eᴀʀᴛʜʟʏ Pʟᴀɪɴ Bᴇsɪᴅᴇ Aʟʟ Oғ Yᴏᴜ. Wᴇ Sʜᴀʀᴇ Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ Sᴀᴄʀᴇᴅ. Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Aʟʟ Pᴀʀᴛ Oғ A Gʟᴏʀɪᴏᴜs, Lɪᴠɪɴɢ, Bʀᴇᴀᴛʜɪɴɢ Tᴀᴘᴇsᴛʀʏ Iɴ Tʜɪs Bʀɪᴇғ Mᴏᴍᴇɴᴛ. Wʜᴀᴛ Aʀᴇ Tʜᴇ Oᴅᴅs Tʜᴀᴛ Wᴇ Wᴏᴜʟᴅ Aʟʟ Bᴇ Hᴇʀᴇ Aᴛ Tʜᴇ Sᴀᴍᴇ Tɪᴍᴇ, Bʀɪʟʟɪᴀɴᴛ Iɴᴛᴇʀᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅɴᴇss Iɴ Oᴠᴇʀʟᴀᴘᴘɪɴɢ Jᴏᴜʀɴᴇʏs Aɴᴅ Lɪғᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs?

Lᴀsᴛ Wᴇᴇᴋ Wᴀs Rᴇᴀʟʟʏ Hᴀʀᴅ. Tᴏᴅᴀʏ Wᴀs Pᴀɪɴғᴜʟ Aɴᴅ Hᴀʀᴅ. Iғ Tᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ Cᴏᴍᴇs, Tᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ Wɪʟʟ Bᴇ Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ... I Aᴍ Hᴇʀᴇ. Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Aʟʟ Hᴇʀᴇ. Tᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ. 

Wɪᴛʜ Aʟʟ Mʏ Lᴏᴠᴇ,

— Tᴀᴍ

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

PS: Rᴇʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ Sɪᴅᴇʙᴀʀ — Oғᴛᴇɴ Wʜᴇɴ Yᴏᴜ Sᴇᴇ Mʏ Eɴᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢɪɴɢ Aɴᴅ Pᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ Cʜᴀʟʟᴇɴɢɪɴɢ Pᴏsᴛs, Esᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ Oɴ Dᴀʏs Lɪᴋᴇ Tʜᴇ Dᴀʏs Oғ Lᴀsᴛ Wᴇᴇᴋ, I'ᴍ Rᴇᴀʟʟʏ Jᴜsᴛ Gᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ Mʏ "Dᴀᴠɪᴅ" Oɴ Wʜɪʟᴇ Tʀʏɪɴɢ Tᴏ Bᴇ A Bʟᴇssɪɴɢ Aɴᴅ Sᴏᴡ Iɴᴛᴏ Oᴛʜᴇʀs Sɪᴍᴜʟᴛᴀɴᴇᴏᴜsʟʏ. Mɪɴɪsᴛʀʏ Dᴏᴇsɴ'ᴛ Sᴛᴏᴘ Jᴜsᴛ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Fᴇᴇʟ Wᴇʟʟ... #GᴏᴅIs 🖤

Love Thy Enemies (Karma And Such)...

I Realized Today That I Love My Enemies... No, Really... Like Literally —

I LOVE MY ENEMIES! 😲

I Promise I'm NOT Being Snarky... 

And, Wooo! That Ish Is A Lot To Process And Heavy To Hold...

You Know You've Leveled Up Spiritually And You're Vibrating Higher When You Watch Someone Who Knowingly And Intentionally Abused And Violated You From A Position Of Power Inflicting Real Harm, Suffer Or Die, And, Instead Of Feeling Like Karma Gave Them Their Just Due, You Feel Empathy And Sadness.

I Cried Today For Someone With ZERO Integrity Who Legit Tried To Ruin My Life 7 Years Ago...All While My Maternal Grandmother Was Dying. You Don't Forget Milestones Like That... I Will Not Disclose The Details Although Some Of You Do Know Of Whom/What I Speak And How It Almost Went To Court... I Sincerely And Genuinely Wept For His Demise In Spite Of The Truth Of Who He Was And How He Lived Behind Closed Doors; The Details The Well Fooled Masses Weren't Privy To.

He Was Well Insulated By A Very Old (The Oldest), Black, Religious Organization Which Operates A Lot Like The Catholic Church When It Comes To Scandal, Etc. — Politically, Unethically And In The Shadows With Little Concern For Right And Wrong. And, Honestly, It Is Irksome To Watch People Who Are Utterly Ignorant Of The Ugly Things He's Done To Me And Other Women Celebrate Him Like He Was Some Kind Of Role Model, Hero Or Saint. While I Can't Speak To Their Experience Of Him, I Lived The Reality Of Mine — With Receipts. 

Still I'm Sad For His Misfortune. And, Thus, Conflicted. 

I've Always Had A Big, Soft Heart. But, Mother (Me) Has Also Always Loved Balanced Scales...⚖️. I LOVE JUSTICE. Restitution Is Not Only My Apology Language. It's A Part Of My Foundational Code... Yet, There Is No Reveling In His Suffering. I No Longer Feel Bitterness Towards Him Regarding The Abuse I Suffered At His Hands. I Survived Him, I Healed And I Moved On. I Hadn't Thought Of Him In YEARS. 

I Remember Him, Though. He Was Incredibly Arrogant. Narcissistic. He Took Pleasure In Having The Power To Do Me Harm To Cover His Own Ass In Front Of His Congregants And Organization. I Doubt He Even Fully Understood The Magnitude Of His Actions Though He Absolutely Knew They Were Wrong. He Was Incapable Of Considering Others If It Conflicted With His Image Or Ambition. And, Not Only Did I NOT Ever Receive An Apology Or What I Was Owed From His unGodly, Bitter Church Of Crypt Keepers, But, He Lied About Me And What Had Transpired To Protect Himself. 

Then His Organization, While Acknowledging That They Believed Me And My Evidence And That This Wasn't The First Legitimate Complaint Against Him, Closed Ranks Around Him Instead Of Protecting And Doing Right By An Innocent Me. For Emphasis, They Had The Power To Make It Right And CHOSE To Do Nothing Because They Were Afraid Of The Repercussions To Their Respective Titles... 

To This Day, I Have Absolutely No Respect For This Entire Denomination. And, To Be Clear, I Didn't Have Much Prior To These Events As I Was All Too Familiar With The Foul Way In Which They Operate. I've Had Decades Of Experience Working For Their Churches And My Stepfather Is A Part Of Their Fold... I'm No Novice Or True Outsider. 

I Will Say This Much. It Truly Seems That Life Humbled Him Beyond Recognition In His Last Several Months Here On Earth. Perhaps He'd Learned His Lesson And Finally, Genuinely Gotten To Know The God He Used To Play From Behind His Title And The Pulpit. If God Could (Seemingly) Change Him, Maybe, One Day, His Carnal Denomination Will Get To Know God, Too, And It Won't Take A Collective Deathbed To Bring About This Change. Perhaps, A Little Holy Ghost Might Help. That Obvious Lack Would Explain Why They Seem To Continue To Do Wrong With Absolutely No Conviction (And, Their Desert Dry 🤬 Services)...😒

I Digress... 

For The Record, I Don't Feel Like His Death Is Any Kind Of Justice On Only My Behalf. It ISN'T. I Don't Even Believe In Capitol Punishment And My Father Was Murdered By A Serial Killer (For Context). I See His Suffering As Human, Not As Retribution. God Doesn't Think Like Us. But, I Do Think We Make Life Choices That Can Have Reverberating Consequences, Especially When We Don't Take Steps To Right Our Wrongs. There Is A Balance To This Universe That Must Be Maintained. However, From My Vantage Point, THIS Was Beyond That. He Suffered FAR Beyond The Damage He Inflicted Upon Me. Knowing This, All I Feel Is Sympathy. Compassion. PITY. It's Disheartening. I Hate To See ANYONE Truly Suffer Or Face Their End In Endless Pain... And, It's Baffling How That Flies In The Face Of My Nature; Of Human Nature. 

The Hawkins Wrote A Song Called "What Is This?" That Aptly Describes Spiritual Transformation. It's An Evolution Beyond My Own Power Or Might. Simply Stated: I Didn't Get Here, To Unconditional Compassion, On My Own...

This Self Work; This Time In The Mirror With God, It's Not For The Faint Of Heart. God Is Changing My Base Nature. I'm Learning To Honestly Hold My Peace Even Though My True Nature Is That Of A Fearless (And, Sometimes Reckless) Warrior. And, I No Longer Surmise That The Passage Of Scripture Stating "Whatsoever A Man Soweth That Shall He Also Reap" Is Rhetoric. I've Seen Too Many People Who Have Harmed Me Face A Hell Of Their Own Making. I Couldn't Glory In It Even If I Wanted To (I Don't). Apparently I'm A Punk Who, Sadly, Loves Every Damn Body At My Core. And, I Now Pray Mercy Over My Enemies And Mean It! WTH?

As My Godmother (In My Head), Oprah, Would Say: 'What I Know For Sure' Is... Love Is All That Matters. No One Is All One Thing. There's Bad In The Best Of Us And Good In The Worst Of Us — Even Those Who Have Unjustly Damaged My Life, Heart, Person, Livelihood, Ability To Trust And/Or Good Name And Reputation. I Think My Ability To See This Way — Multidimensionally — Is Why The Intentional Infliction Of Pain Has Always Hurt Me So Deeply And Is So Much Harder To Forgive. I See People Beyond Their Actions. I've Always Been More Invested In The Why Than The What. Motives And Intentions Hold The Greatest Weight For Me. So, I Have Compassion Even When They Are Unworthy And It Is Undeserved. Sometimes I Wish I Didn't...😔

After The Events Of This Day — To Each And Every Person On My List Of Enemies, Frenemies, Foes And/Or Unforgivable Offenses:

I FORGIVE YOU. I Continually Work To Forgive At Deeper Layers And Levels. I Don't Wish Any Harm Upon You. I Still Want VINDICATION And RESTITUTION. Always. Full Stop. But, I Also Love You And I'm Praying For You... For Real. Mercy, Lord... I Don't Want To See ANYONE Else Suffer Like He Did. I Don't Need An Apology (I Still WANT One, But, I Don't NEED One...). Just Do Me A Favor And Remember That Karma Is Real...

I No Longer Want You To Change Anymore. Not For Me. Spirit And Life And Doing The Work Has Changed ME Enough For The Both Of Us.

All Is Well. 

Man, God Is Radical...

#Butterpillar 🦋

Never Can Say Goodbye...

(Goodbyes Beyond Space And Time)

I Found Out Today That Someone I Love Profoundly; Someone I'm Incredibly Close To And Whom I've Known Almost My Entire Life And Who May Arguably Know Me Better Than ALMOST Anyone Else In The World Is REALLY Sick... Like Stage 4 Sick... Like Really Late Diagnosis Sick. Like, We're Treating To Make You Comfortable Sick And Not To Cure Sick... 

I Had A Dream About Him Last Night. Those Of You Who Are Close To Me Know About My Dreams And That I Can't Afford To Dismiss Them Especially When People Pop Up Or Come To Me In Them Seemingly Out Of Nowhere. So, I Tentatively Reached Out. We Had A Falling Out Last Year And Hadn't Spoken In A Few Months. But, Like Any True, Unconditional Love And Deep Bond Between Two People Who Were Once Deeply In Love As Children And Are Still Deeply Bonded Even In Different Form — And, When Even Through Life's Changes The Love Has Remained — It Was A Temporary Break.

In Retrospect, As Was Our Usual, It Stemmed Less From Anger And More From Hurt And Defense Mechanism When Matters Of The Past Arose. We See It Very Differently. He Sees Me As The Villain In The Story Of His Heart. I See The Story As Much More Nuanced Than That. I Was So Incredibly Young And There Is A Decent Age Gap Between Us, Him On The Higher End.

Love Was Never Our Issue... We Were So Intense. Damn Near Psychically Linked In Our Levels And Modes Of Intimacy. We Still Communicate In Ways, Both Verbal And Non-verbal That Would Baffle The Outside World... I Just Wasn't Ready. I Wasn't A Fully Integrated Adult. I Wasn't Even 18 Yet... I Didn't Know Myself Nearly As Well As I Knew Him. I Needed More Experience. I Needed More Time... Full Stop. Human Nature Stuff. And, As Life Happened, I Fell In Love With Another In The Gaps Of Communication And Between The Margins... There's A LOT Of History There As We've Weaved In And Out Of Each Other's Lives Over The Years... Time... TIMING, Was Always Our Problem. On Repeat. But, 25+ Years In (From My Literal Childhood) And We've Always Found Our Way Back To Love, Even All These Years Later, As Dear Friends With A Much Deeper Connection Beneath...

So, I Made The Call Because I Needed To Know Why I'd Dreamt About Him So Vividly Out Of The Blue. And, Why I'd Awakened Clearly Remembering The Details — An Uncommon Occurrence. I Knew There Was A Reason. And, My Gut Told Me There Would Be An Immediate Answer And It Would Come From Him Directly.

And, There Was... I Just Had No Idea My Early AM Was Going To Begin With A Gut Punch Of Epic Proportions. I Didn't Know It Would Feel Like A Bomb Had Just Exploded. We Always Think We Have More Time... But, There's Never Enough Time...

I've Taken The Entire Day To Process The Information Pretty Clinically. That's My Nature In A Crisis As I've Seen More Than My Fair Share Of Trauma And Loss. I'm A "Get Things Done Now And Feel Things Later" Kind Of Girl. And, I Honestly Couldn't Feel Anything All Day. I Was Just In My Head And Staying Busy And Wondering What The Hell Was Wrong With Me That I Was Being So Cavalier. I Didn't Notice That I Didn't Eat Anything All Day Until Just Now. That My Body Was Processing My Feelings Before My Heart Or Head Could Because I Was In Shock. But, Now, At 3AM, It's Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks — All At Once. It Knocked The Wind Out Of Me. And, I Can't Breathe!!! Like, I Literally Can't Breathe... I've Had A Full Blown Panic Attack. And, It's Too Late To Call Anybody. And, It's Not Usually Like Me To Turn Outward Instead Of Inward In Difficulty Regardless. And, What Would I Say Anyway? So, I'm Writing Because, As A Creative, That's What I Do...

I'm Having A Complete Meltdown And I Need To Pull It Together For Him So I Can Be Fully Present And Positive And Supportive Come Tomorrow And Every Tomorrow After. But, Sometimes It's Hard To Be Positive When Your Gift Is Sight... I Don't Even Know How To Pray About This Yet. Or, At All...

Right Now I Just Can't Breathe. Or, Eat. Or, Sleep. And, I Can't Stop Crying. Probably For About The Last Hour+ Now. It Feels Like I'm Preemptively Grieving. And, I Know I Shouldn't Be... But, I Can't Control It. Please Pray. Pray For My Loved One. Pray For His Strength And Courage And Healing And God's Perfect Will. And, Please Pray For My Strength, Focus And Resolve....Not For My Sake, But, For His — That I Might Be The Friend And Support He Needs And That We Might Have Just A Little More Time... Because There's Never Enough Time... Because There Will Never Be Enough Time. 🙏🏼💙🥺

Black with a capital B.

Black with a capital B 

(Black NOT b̶l̶a̶c̶k̶) 

Black with a capital B.

Black with a capital B.

Black with a capital B.

On This The First Day Of #BlackHistoryMonth❤️🖤💚 — I've Decided That Now Is Finally The Time To Address An Issue That Has Been Bothering Me For YEARS... 

The word "BLACK"should ALWAYS be capitalized when race is being discussed. No other group is disrespected in this way — not being referred to as a genuine entity or proper noun/adjective (a specific group of people/the descriptor of a specific group of people). Examples: Asian (Race). Caucasian/European (Race) [white is a description and a social construct, NOT a race, FYI, and should not be capitalized]. Latino (Ethnic Group) [the word 'brown' is also a descriptor and NOT a race and should not be capitalized as it can refer to a multitude of non-specific ethnic groups — i.e.: Indian, Indigenous/Native, Latino (Mexican, Brazilian, Puerto Rican, etc.), Arab/Persian, Mixed, etc., and even Black and Asian people].

As most of us (Blacks) are of mixed heritage in this country/continent/hemisphere (North, Central and South America) whether by choice or by force, the term 'Black' includes any and everyone who is a descendant of the African Diaspora in this country and the world at large. The term 'African-American' is an incredibly limiting description of some Blacks in America as an ethnic group, and NOT as a race. As such, we are not truly 'African-American' (capitalized as it should be). We are NOT even all American. We are Black AND American — a completely different and varied cultural experience extending from Afro-Latino to Creole to West Indian to Aboriginal to Melanesians and the like from islands near Australia and in the South Pacific (who are neither African or American but who are indeed Black) to the children of African Immigrants and, finally, to the diluted and diverse descendants of Black African men and women who were enslaved and everything in between (please note how all of those sub-groups are capitalized). "Black", in ethnicity, race and culture, is both a singular entity and a polylith describing a multitude of people sharing a common ancestry. Simply stated, the term Black is all inclusive.

Furthermore, Africa is a CONTINENT and not a country (with more countries and languages, cultures and diversity than any other continent in the WORLD). It is the continent that seeded all others (which is why there are still Black people on remote islands that are not technically African going back tens of thousands of years). Sadly, we don't have the privilege of knowing to which countries, tribes, etc., we trace our origins beyond random and often inaccurate DNA tests (through no fault of ours). Thus, the term "African-American" is not only an inaccurate oversimplification; it is just plain LAZY.

Please strongly consider revising your spelling of the word "Black" as a proper noun EVERY time you use it in any capacity in the future (proper nouns and adjectives are ALWAYS capitalized). Otherwise, any written point you are attempting to make is immediately nullified for many. The implication is to minimize us in step with American (and, world) history and it's consistent dehumanization of us through systematic racism in every facet of our society. It is not acceptable. It reads as a microagression from whites and blatant ignorance from POC. It is not a small thing. And, yes, it matters! 

I am Black: an ethnic group and sub-genre of the African continent with ancestors hailing from four others — a multi-ethnic, multiracial, American ethnic group with it's own unique culture AND part of the African Diaspora and the Black race.

I am NOT black. I AM Black. 🖤✊🏽