I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE

I don't believe in love no more
Don't see the point to try
Don't believe in dreams no more
'Cause, baby, all my dreams have died
I don't believe in happy ends
'Cause all the endings made me cry
And you usurped all my hope in love
When you LIED

I don't believe in fairy tales
They never do come true
Don't believe in magic spells
No, not cast on me and you
Used to believe in all these things
But all these things - your love defied!
Now all I really do believe in, baby,
Is GOODBYE...


– Copyright © AnOmali 101 –

After The Fact...

Somehow I think I failed to say
Just how I feel
Just how I feel
Just how I feel about you

I guess my pride got in the way
Of how I feel
Of how I feel
Of how I feel about you

I meant to say you already have my heart
I meant to say you already have my respect
I meant to tell you my intuition says trust you
Even when my past says, “fight for your life”

I tried to tell you I was falling
I tried to tell you I was hurting
I tried to tell you I was afraid
But my fear restrained my words
And my head restrained my heart

And so I neglected to tell you
That I am falling
That I am falling
That I am falling into you

I never allowed myself to believe
That this could be real
That our hearts were involved
That when we made love,
It was more than an act
That you could see me, feel me, hear me
That our connection was more than superficial,
An initial attraction that would quickly fade…

I could not quite accept
That you really did care
That I really should trust you
That in such a short time
‘We’ were worth the risk
And I could let go
That I should let go

I looked for the exit sign
I expected you to exit left
Leaving me to ponder why I ever let you in

I never considered
That you did not plan to leave…

And then all at once
I realized I was losing you
I realized I was bruising you
As you continued to bump your head
Against the walls of my fear

Then much too late
I grasps the truth that
I did not want to lose you
Or fight you, or fear you
Or push you away

Somehow my need to feel safe
No longer outweighed my need
To feel, just to feel
Because I finally realized
That I had found something real.

Funny how it takes tragedy
To bring about epiphanies
And mine was simply how I feel
Just how I feel
Just how I feel
About you


- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -

If GOD Turned Your Dreams Into Your Destiny...

What would you do? Who would you be?


I am in this strange space of constant and uncomfortable personal and spiritual growth... Nothing is what it seems, and nothing is going quite the way I planned. I am changing and evolving in unexpected ways, the world around me is in a constant state of flux, and there are new lessons every day regarding the pursuit of destiny, purpose and truth...

Since I've been in this space, there have been a few songs that have been ministering to me profoundly (which is, of course, because music is my LIFE, and at present, also my MATE!!! - lol)...

One of these songs is a song that my Praise & Worship team in church sings often...and yesterday it really seeped into my spirit and blessed the mess out of me (I had an epiphany of sorts). It is a very simple song with a very simple message... So, I decided to pass it on to you. I pray that you listen to it, commit it to memory, and then apply it to EVERY area of your life...

The words are as follows:

NO LIMITS

No limits
No boundaries
I see increase
All around me
Stretch forth
Break forth
I see increase
Enlarge my territory

Take the limits off
Take the limits off
Release me
Release me

Say what you heard
So you can see what you say

Enlarge my territory

- Israel & New Breed -


This song includes elements of the prayer of Jabez, which is something I believe that everyone should read and commit to memory, and a prayer I intend to resume revisiting daily (I have really not been on point with my prayer life lately - but that changed YESTERDAY!)... It also incorporates some basic principles...one being that "life and death is in the power of the tongue" - thus, this song is confessional..."speaking those things that be not as though they were"... Everyone is on this new age kick about thinking and speaking positivity...but that is NOT new...the Bible has taught that for millennia...

This song also incorporates one of the keys to success in all things in life...FAITH! Believing that you can give God the reigns over your life and He will NOT let you down... He can do anything but fail...even when it seems as if nothing is going your way...

If I can leave only one impression on you (and myself) today...it is that where there is life, there is HOPE! It is never too late to begin again, to strive towards a goal, to pursue your dreams, to pick yourself up from a fall, to gain a new perspective, to get to know GOD, and to turn all of this over to Him and allow Him access to every area of your life so He can take the limits off of your mind and life, and you can take the limits off of the ways He can bless you (get out of His way!). In the words of one of my favorite songs: "I dare you to move like today never happened before!"

Sometimes what seems like a disaster is preparation for a blessing and is simply God getting us out of our comfort zone!

My Bible tells me that "He will do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think"... Oprah lives and summarizes this philosophy best:

"GOD DREAMS THE BIGGER DREAM!"

I love you ALL!

Be Infinitely Blessed!


~A

PS: I am dedicating this blog to Eros (among others)...you know why *smile*. Be encouraged... ~A

---

I Wrote A Song A Year Or So Ago During A Time Of Introspection (The Mirror Can Be Your Best Friend and Worst Enemy: EVERYONE Should Spend Time Allowing God To Deal w/ Them In One). I believe I will spend the rest of my life seeking the answers to the questions this song poses? I think that many of these questions apply to ALL people, so maybe you should ask them of yourselves as well...


WHEN YOUR DREAMS BECOME TRUTH
(Introspection)

What do you get when you add it all up?
And what will you do when enough is enough?
And what holds you back when you've nothing to lose?
And where will you hide when your dreams become truth?

If God left it up to you who would you be?
Would you turn your dreams into your destiny?
If you made a million tell me how would you live?
Would you spend it all or have something to give?

What's your motivation for being a star?
Do you have a purpose; do you like who you are?
When your name's in big lights tell me will it all change?
Will you sell your soul for the price of fame?

When you've finally made it will it be worth it all?
Will you inspire millions or do nothing but fall?
Please tell me the ending like it's all up to you.
Tell me where will you hide when your dreams become truth?

– Copyright © AnOmali 101 –

OUT OF MY HEAD

You are the total opposite of him
The utter epitome of the opposing idea
For what I imagined being right
Of who I imagined being right for me
But the truth is no one ever felt more right to me
And I hate you for that;
‘Cause I love you for that
You are everything I’ve grown to dread
And I just want you out of my head

You don’t look a thing like him
You don’t act a thing like him
You are nothing like me
We don’t believe in the same things
We believe only in opposing things – in the same way
With the same passion, the same lust, the same vigor, the same extreme
And you still make me smile against my will
But you’d rather make me cry, as you remind me of the special ‘we’
That in your mind never deserved to exist because I don’t deserve to exist
Because anomalies can’t be real
You’re such a sadist the way you slyly convey to me
That you’ve never known another me
But no matter how special or unique
You could never want a ‘me’ anyway
Sometimes you make me feel like I’d rather be dead
And I just want you out of my head

You love me so well, you’re loathing is exquisite
You see me so clearly; you don’t see me at all
I’ve heard your cries, felt your longings,
Known your passion, tasted of your sensuality
I know you as you know me, with no explanations, no logic
If there was ever any knowing at all
You have no heart; You have my heart
And you have no right anywhere near my mind…
You should have never said those things nasty things you said
And I just want you out of my fucking head

You think I am strange and cold
That I am incapable of changing
You think that I am too strong, too feisty, too dominant
You think nothing fazes me, that no one phases me
You think I’m not real
I’m an anomaly, therefore I shouldn’t; no, can’t exist
But I do – and I’ve changed so much because of you
So much for your theory on the anatomy of me
Now who’s the anomaly, Mr. one least likely
When you seem like a dream
That haunts my Mr. Right List
Is not what he seems
And stays on my “want to fight” list
But if I’m the anomaly – then why are you here?
I just want some peace,
And I want to want what I used to want
And to be who I used to be
Before the fantasy of you invaded the space of my reality
I want my straight laced, tall, chocolate, suburban,
Intellectual, anti-hip-hop, six-figure making,
Non-threatening andantes who worships the ground I walk on,
Likes my flaws, doesn’t love me so much
That he wants to make me better than I am,
Doesn’t love me so well that he makes me need to be better than I am
Because I’m just fine being me in his eyes
I want the man who loves what I love, who likes what I like
Who doesn’t make me question everything I’ve ever known
And everything about myself
I want the one who doesn’t make me feel like
I have to jump through hoops and prove my worth
Because his very presence makes me feel unworthy
I want to want the man, who is a reflection of me
Because he looks like me, because he acts like me, because he feels like me
I want to not look in the mirror and NOT see altered reflections of you

You can ignore 90% percent of all I just said
‘cause mostly, mostly, I just want you
Out of my head


- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -

WATER

WATER
(First Written Somewhere Between 1998-2000 / First Posted In September 2005)

Love, Like Water, Comes In Many Forms...: Liquid, Vapor, And Ice...It would be so wonderful if we could keep that in mind at all times and see love in all of it's various forms when it comes... It's much like the Trinity...and true love is manifested from the Trinity (GOD)...so I suppose that would make sense (in my mind anyway)... My first love (Who I spent seven long years with, and literally grew up with), has become my best friend in my adult life... He is the one who knows me truest and best, even though my life has changed in such drastic ways ;). His unconditional love throughout the process of my 'becoming' the woman I am today, and throughout my last two, most serious, and most temultuous relationships has really blessed me...especially since the one who has my heart at present continues to take me for granted, and puts me through unnecessary pain without any reason provoked by anything beyond their own issues...(other than maybe I love them too much, too well, and still foolishly have a hard time putting ME first when it comes to those close to my heart...I'm growing)...  I digress...

So:  In the spirit of true love, in all of it's forms, I thought it fitting to honor someone who's unconditional love and understanding of me never waivers, even though everything about the two of us has changed...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"WATER"
(For My First Love:  TAC)

In a place where no one lives
In a place where no one goes
Our love runs deep and wide
And like a river there it flows

My heart goes there sometimes
When I'm living out my fears
It is there I cry for you
And the river takes my tears

It is in this place alone
Where love touches destiny
Where it swallows all our failure
And it greets eternity

In true love there is no time
And no designated space
And our spirits pure and bold
Meld as one in stunning grace

Though fate has been unkind
Love caged deep within our souls
'Cause we were meant for different worlds
And must play predestined roles

In stolen moments I escape
To where I know you wait for me
And I bask within your sunshine
And our matchless memories

See although we cannot be
And though we only have what was
Love exists beyond our realm
It's bigger than both of us

And where our tears have landed blooms
A flawless, perfect rose
And our love outlives forever
And like a river; there it flows


– Copyright © 2000 AnOmali 101 –

LOVE IS...

You make me feel like
I should just stop breathing
You make my blood run hot
Frustrated, seething

You make me feel
That I’ve no right to feeling
You force me to fight you
My fear hits the ceiling

How could you see me?
Then turn me away
Belittle my all
And then beg me to stay

How could you love me?
Then live in pretense
Pretend not to crave me
You must think me dense

You asked me for access
The keys to my soul
Gave you more than I should have
And now I’m not whole

You must not have noticed
How fragile I was
You hid behind your words
And became my judge

Bet you never thought
That I took it all in
That I saw you naked
My angel in sin

And all that you tried
To hide soon became moot
I see more than you know
I am living in truth

Now years have gone by
You think nothing has changed
Self righteous and certain
It will all fade away

But if I’d met my match
Then you’d met yours too
If you saw my flaws
Well, Love, what about you?

You took way too much
My heart couldn’t resist
I asked for so little
Yet you chose not to give

Guess I was silly
‘Cause I gave you the right
Wore an unworthy sign
And I put up no fight

Likely in your mind
It was all justified
But wait, I thought true love was
Patient and kind…

Or so you said
Before we said…
Goodbye


- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -