CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

- Anais Nin -

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I JUST HAD TO GET THIS IDEA, SCRAMBLED FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, OUT OF MY MIND... DRAFT ONE of THE MELODY IN MY HEAD...



CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU

And I can't even look at you
When I think of how I loved you
Think of how you hurt me

Can't even look at you
When I think of how I fought fate
How could love desert me

Can't even look at you
And I want nothing to remind me
Don't want to feel, don't want to hurt
Don't want to know
Just want to shirk this off
Like you did love...

And I can't even look at you
When I remember the lost time
And some things still remind me
Of what was

No, I can't even look at you
Don't want to see your face
Don't want to speak your name
Or hear it said

Don't want to look at you
Don't want to know you anymore
I've shut and bolted that door
Don't want to miss, don't want to love
Don't want to see, Don't want to know...If you're ok
'Cause I'm ok
'Cause I'm ok
'Cause I'm ok
I am ok.

And I've found my peace now
Just as long as I pretend
It doesn't matter
That you don't care
It wasn't real
That I was fair
Long as I fight
The loss I feel
And pretend I am on the only one
Who feels it...

And I can't look back,
And we can't go back,
And you could never take it back
And I could never take you back

And I can't even look at you
'Cause I know that love was real
And, I like how numb I feel
Now that it's gone

And I don't want to look at you
And see how much I'm missed
Or remember one kiss
Or your tears

I can't even look at you
I don't want to turn around
When all hope was shut down
So long ago

And it hurts inside to know
That some seeds just don't grow
And love could never save us anyhow
The pain is just too bad
And I just can't stay sad
And I don't want to know you now.

And no matter how much I know
I know I've moved on
I'm happy and healthy
And so fucking strong
I know it would cut me
And I'd turn to salt
If I turned around...

So I won't turn back...
And I won't reflect
'Cause it's my new life
That I must protect
And when it gets hard
I know I must press ahead...
Put it out of my head.

Because love was not enough
And you were not enough
And it still hurt...

And so I can't...

I can't even look at you...


- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -

(A Work {SONG} In Progress)



~A

DANCING IN THE SUN

And I am finally FREE! FREE to laugh, free to dream and pursue and live those dreams without restraint; Free to continue sojourning to wholeness without any dead weight slowing me down or causing more scar-leaving injuries to heal from along the way; Free to find and love an equal in 'a love with no illusions' (Thanks, Blue! ;), no settling, no justifying, no compromising my core values. Free to write and sing my soul without explanation. Free to understand and be understood by those worthy of the sharing. Free to live in the truth that my soul has always called home without compromise. Free to soar above an aimless existence and those who choose to dwell in that space. Free to smile at, and for, nothing other than the wonder of being alive! Free to take care of MY SELF without having to constantly look after someone who does not look after themselves, let alone, me. Free to be extraordinary, to rise above all I see and live by faith. Free to explore the world and everything and one in it that intrigues me! Free! Free!

FREE TO BE ME! Without apology.

Life is good. God is good.

And I am GOOD! And getting better everyday!

Be looking for BIG things from me in the very near future~ There is NOTHING holding me back anymore!

A friend sent this timely quote to me and I knew it had to be included in this post:

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it...You know your worth, surround yourself with that same worth".
I hear that LOUD & CLEAR!

I am smiling with my spirit! Feeling affirmed. Establishing my permanent peace with the Universe. And accepting that it has within it all I need...and I have within me all I need, because the Universe is within me, not just all around me...as is GOD!

:)


~A