"CHURCH GIRL"

CHURCH GIRL 
 (VERSE I) Dipped in water, preacher's daughter Read your entire Holy Grail Started to question all this oppression Why your religion seems to fail Tired of lies and all your jaded views And, now that I'm living in truth I see that truth don't live in you 
 (CHORUS I) I've been pimped I've been sold I've been bought and I've been told That if I sang anything else from my heart I was going to hell  Been Broke down Mind confused I've been raped and I've been used And, though I may not look like you I'm still a church girl 
 (VERSE II) Mama said that if a long skirt Could cover up a black heart We would all go to Heaven The Evange-dyke's door key Was given to me Long before puberty began Manipulating my mind for your own gain Well, sometimes your temple of God Is nothing more than a house of pain… And shame… 
 (REPEAT CHORUS I)  (CHORUS II) Slandered and My gifts sold But, I never was made whole They didn't just break my spirit They ripped out my soul  Been jaded Mind abused 'Til there was nothing left to lose And though I may not live like you I'm still a church girl 
 (BRIDGE) I used to think that the church Was a place for the spiritually ill Since all our souls are weary from this life A place where hearts could heal But, in my desperation Church folk never yielded higher ground It wasn't until I turned and walked away True faith in God I found 
 (CHORUS I) I've been pimped I've been sold I've been bought and I've been told That if I sang anything else from my heart I was going to hell  Been Broken Mind confused I've been raped and I've been used And though I may not look like you I'm still a church girl 
 (VAMP OUT) I still believe in the body Just don't believe in the building (Repeat to Fade) 
 – Copyright 2003 © AnOmali 101 –

The Diary of Anais Nin

"I wanted to run out and kiss her fantastic beauty and say: I will never know again who I am, what I am, what I love and what I want. Your beauty has drowned me, the core of me. You carry away with you a part of me reflected in you. When your beauty struck me, it dissolved me. Deep down, I am not different from you. I dreamed you, I wished for your existence. You are the woman I want to be. I see in you that part of me which is you. I surrender my sincerity because if I love you it means we share the same fantasies, the same madnesses."

- Anaïs Nin -

Damn! I haven't read this quote in a long time, but it struck me with the same intensity as before...amazed at how this moment/feeling/sensation was captured in words...

She Always Speaks MY Mind...

I love the way poetry and prose phrase my unspoken thoughts...and validate the fact that I am NOT crazy...and I am NOT alone... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ More of my babble... "You do yourself and the other person no favors by remaining with someone when you hold on to a part of a person that works for you when the part that doesn't... tortures you." I have a lot of thoughts running around my head like a futuristic highway. I need a valium or a jack and ginger. My ThoughtsI needed these words about six months ago - it would have saved me a lot of pain..hell, it would have saved me from my retarded self! lol ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 02/15/07 04:11 PM Is Forever possible? Forever IS a mighty long time. If we are forever changing and growing as individuals, why are we expected to remain the same? Or get the infamous: you've changed accusation? I realize some things at one's core should not be expected to change such as morals, principles, etc but even those things can be fluid or not deemed as important as once before. What happens when one person does all of the changing and the other remains stagnant? Does forever change because you counted on things to remain the same? Seems to be set up for failure/torture from the start. I'm still feeling this blog out so to be continued... (My Response: This blog struck the hell out of me because I realized I have shared these same thoughts on several occassions - but had never given voice to them. Thanks for being my voice...(like on so many other occassions in pages past - lol ;). Then I remembered the lyrics to a song that I knew well as a child that always somehow made me feel sad (though I didn't understand it at the time). And now, these words make a whole lot more sense to me...(and still sometimes make me sad...): ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HOW DO YOU KEEP THE MUSIC PLAYING? How do you keep the music playing? How do you make it last? How do you keep the song from fading too fast? How do you lose yourself to someone; And never lose your way? How do you not run out of new things to say? And since we know we're always changing, How can it be the same? And tell me how year after year You're sure your heart will fall apart Each time you hear his name. I know the way I feel for you It's now or never The more I love the more that I'm afraid That in your eyes I may not see forever.. Forever... If we can be the best of lovers Yet be the best of friends If we can try with everyday to make it better As it grows With any luck, then I suppose The music never ends... -Michel Legrand-

PRIVATE PARTY!!!

MY NEW FAVORITE SONG...

Just listen and read...



PRIVATE PARTY

(Chorus)
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me,
My angels, and my guitar
Singin’
Baby look how far we’ve come
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become

(Verse I)
I tried to call my mother, but
She didn’t get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said
Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone
Started to feel a little pity
That’s when I realized that I
Gotta find the joy inside of me

(Chorus)
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me,
My angels, and my guitar
Singin’
Baby look how far we’ve come
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become

(Verse II)
I’m gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We’re gonna have a conversation
We’re gonna heal the disconnection
I don’t remember when it started
But this is where it’s gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I’m gonna celebrate it

(Chorus)
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me,
My angels, and my guitar
Singin’
Baby look how far we’ve come
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become

(Verse III)
All my life (all my life)
I’ve been looking for (I’ve been looking for)
Somebody else (else)
To make me whole (ooo)
But I had to learn the hard way (ooo)
True love began with me (ooo)
This is not ego or vanity (ooo)
I’m just celebrating me

(Chorus)
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me,
My angels, and my guitar
Singin’
Baby look how far we’ve come
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become

(Verse IV)
Sometimes I’m alone but never lonely
That’s what I’ve come to realize
I’ve learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt

(Chorus)
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me,
My angels, and my guitar
Singin’
Baby look how far we’ve come
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become

(Bridge)
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday

(Chorus)
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me,
My angels, and my guitar
Singin’
Baby look how far we’ve come
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become



May you all find the peace and love of self and life that I have suffered, cried, been mistreated, been broken, fought my way, lived my way, delivered myself, been delivered...

Into...

Infinite Blessings And Peace!



NOW SING ALONG WITH ME!!! :)


~A