#WhyIDidntReportIt
Because I was the Bible study teacher and gospel choir director on my college campus with a LOT of bad theology to unlearn. And, because prior, I was an outspoken virgin and abstinence advocate, purity ring and all... Because preachers and pastors had been touching me inappropriately on the low since I was 13 or younger as a young Minister of Music. Because I thought no one would believe the 17 year old sophomore from Philly hanging out with the 22 year old football player from Texas alone in the dorms after hours... Because teammates he told made jokes that somebody had "finally hit that".
Because I was a CHILD. Because Daddy wasn't around to build my sense of self worth and confidence and I didn't feel safe or like I would be protected because I had NEVER felt safe or protected in any situation or environment including church... Because I'd be seen as a race traitor to a Black man and athlete with a promising career. Because I didn't want to give the adult church tyrants any more ammunition to torment and ostracize teenage me than they'd already manufactured to justify their insecurity based constant cruelty and bullying that had pushed me to attempt suicide before the age of 16.
Because Black women are never seen as victims, only unacknowledged survivors. Because I felt responsible. Because... Shame. Guilt. Confusion. Fear. Judgement. Because no one told me I could/should OR that, as a [Black] girl, it was OK to ever show weakness or even complain... Because I'd never been given the tools I needed to survive, so, I just had to figure it all out by myself along the way and had no concept of how to depend on others or even let anyone in. Because I felt ugly. And, dirty. And, undesirable. And, unworthy. And, small. And, betrayed.
Because he took my voice away.
Because society took my voice away.
Because church folks took my voice away.
Because the conditioning of lifelong abuse in every conceivable space — took my voice away...
#Solidarity
#Survival
#Cleansing
#Freedom ✊🏼
(Thank you @ L. Michael Gipson for giving me the courage to process this question and share a portion of it's answer aloud...❤️)
posted by ÅnØmålî™ | 3:56 AM
|
0 comments
