The Poetic Soul Of ÅnØmålî™...

Just A Few Excerpts From My Life... Here You Will Find My Poetry (Jumbled Thoughts Usually Written In The Heart Of Volatile Emotion I Had No Other Way To Express), A Collab Or Two, Some Of My Favorite Poems/Poets, Original And/Or Favorite Quotes...A Few Blogs/Brief Essays: Free-Style, Words That Move Me; Strike A Chord In Me, And That I Believe Could Or Should Strike Something In Others... Take Me In Slowly...I Swim The Depths Of The Soul...And I Am At Home There... ~A

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Location: Catch Me If You Can..., , United States

...Songstress.Writer.Freedom Fighter.Muse.Rebel.Actress.Prophet.Poet.Musician.Genre Bender.GOD Lover.Dichotomy.Trailblazer.World Changer. Blah, Blah, Blah...

"Art Is The Reason I Get Up In The Morning..."

By The Very Definition Of My Name, I Am Without Rules, Boundaries, Or The Confines Of This World...

"In This World, But Not Of This World"...

Simply Stated: I DON'T DO BOXES!

My Music; My Writing; Is My Soul Poured Onto Canvas. I Am Utterly Naked And Without Pretense Or Shame. To Understand It; To Truly Connect With My Words Is To Know Some Genuine Piece Of Me…Infinitely.


Friday, December 31, 2004


Monolog from 'Fall'
By Eric Schaeffer

I’ve wanted to tell you for awhile now.
I wanted to say it
As you reached for a teacup
In your kitchen that night we fought
About "why we always have to eat
Chinese food on your floor"
And then made-up.
I wanted to say it
As the moonlight shown in on you
As you slept in your bed
The first time we made love there.
When I felt your heart racing against my chest.
In your (room) in Spain,
When you first saw your roses,
Even though I wasn't there.
But mostly I wanted to say it
The last night I saw you,
As I held you in my arms
Looking down at your precious face
Knowingly looking up at me.
Still inside you,
But so inside you.
I wanted so badly to tell you that...
The words each time graced my lips
Like an impostor.
Only to fall away
Like some great blizzard
That was taken out to sea
To rain it's fury on the dark ocean,
Alone, unbeknownst to any hearing.
I pray that you can hear them
For what they are,
Feel them for what they are,
And not mar them with the knowledge
That they stand apart from your ability
To reciprocate them.
Please take them in your heart,
Feel them with your eyes closed
And your soul open
For just a moment.
My voice speaking them softly
In your ear,
With a kiss.
When you smile,
When your head lightly moves to dance,
When your tongue finds my lips,
When you ramble over a glass of wine,
When you sit naked
After we've made love,
When you act boldly,
When you laugh,
When you squeeze my hand,
When you call my name in a gruff whisper,
When your heart races on my chest
In a close embrace,
When you love me.
What I’m sad about is selfish.
I’m sad at God's timing,
I’m only a man.
And as a man I miss you.
I miss you terribly.
I miss your kiss.
I miss your smile.
Oh, how I miss your smile.
But most of all I miss the moment
That hasn't happened yet.
The moment when you let yourself
Fall for me.
What makes it hard for me
Is knowing how much you care for me,
How much in a way you do love me.
How much you would enjoy
Smiling wryly as you hurled yourself
Backwards off the cliff,
And said "catch me, baby."
If I didn't know that,
I could make you a villain,
Me a victim,
And soothe myself.
But I can't
Because it isn't the truth.
The truth we both know.
The truth is "not today".
I know you're not leaving (him) for me,
And I wouldn't want you to.
I would want you to leave him for you.
I also know you would never
Fly a million miles
Just to see me smile at you.
Someday maybe, but not today.
So I guess I better disappear.
I know you'll be o.k.
And soon I will be too.
And maybe, just maybe,
If God so desires,
A day will come
When as friends
We will find ourselves
Accidentally strolling along
The white cliffs of Dover,
Or the mountain rocks of Mendocino,
Or the bonny emerald north
Of the Scottish seaboard,
Or the glistening harbor of old New York.
And from the heights in the stars,
Amongst the angels
Whose arms will cradle us,
In a moment neither of us was told about,
But knew like our oldest happiness.
We will look into each other's eyes
And know... It is today.
It is today.
And whether that day is tomorrow,
Or next week,
Or next year,
Or next lifetime.
I will finally get to tell you
To your sweet face,
The face that I will miss
More than I could ever tell,
I love you,
I love you,
Oh, baby, I love you.
And you'll smile wryly,
Close your eyes,
Say "catch me, baby",
And fall.


Thursday, December 30, 2004


I am hiding my heart
From the one who saw through me
At the inception of us
In spirit and truth
Because my weakness betrays me
My fear overwhelms me
And I don’t want to hurt, be hurt
Or act outside of myself anymore

I am hiding my soul although we are connected
Although you can feel me as I feel you – always
Because the ‘not knowing’ what the future holds
Is killing me slowly – and not so softly
When I know what the future could be or could have been…
And may never be, because of the failures inside of us both

With so much unknown – and unsaid
How can I be your friend – Only your friend? And rest in that?
Yet with so much incomprehensible and undeniable love for you
How can I run from your friendship and be without you?
I cannot breathe without you – you are my ‘one’
And my heart trusts neither solution fully.

I know that the odds are all against me
And fighter that I am, I know that my need to fight
Will only push you further away
And so defenseless, frightened, I simply wait.
Pray and wait. Hope and wait. Trust and wait.

How can I put down my pride, and still protect myself?
How can I love you freely, and not feel bound?
How can I see the obstacles, looming just ahead
And still be confident in all that I know is righteous, right,

I know you’ll never admit that in your heart
You are protecting me as much as yourself
That you are afraid
That you, too, are hiding
That it’s all too real, too potent
Too deep, too much, too fast.
We are too connected – spiritually – supernaturally
To ever make any rational sense
And who ever said that divine love was rational?
Or that it moved in our time, on our schedule, at our convenience?
Such a thought could only come from someone
Who has never known love…

I respect you, your choices
And I wouldn’t love you so dearly if you did not know how
To take the lead…even when it hurts…even when it’s hard
Trying to protect my heart along with yours
Wanting to see me whole, while you let God perfect you
Loving me enough to push me away, to do things righteously
Even if it feels a little like dying

I see, hear, and comprehend –
Even when my emotions betray my understanding
That is only me, like Jacob, wrestling my angel
Not letting go until he blesses my soul
Not realizing he is simply a caged bird
One caged long before I arrived, who must be freed
Before he can be fully embraced as his truest self
One who will fly back into these arms in divine time
With a blessing greater than I could have imagined
Not to possess or be possessed,
But to love in sanctified, liberated totality…
If I wait

And life goes on…with a hope and a prayer…
And faith in something larger than you or I or us
Divine Purpose and Destiny await me
And it is there that I must soar until…

There are still moments when I wish you would just
Hear my heart and ignore the words used to over explain
That which there are no words for…
Tune into me, feel my pain, know my mind
I do hear yours…I feel you...I know you – even when you hide.

I am hiding but I am working my way out of this shell
I am hiding, but I am fighting my way into a deeper place of truth
So that I will never have to hide again
From myself or you or anyone

I will honor love, and not fear
I will honor God and trust in His strength and not in my own
Or in yours
For what is meant
Whatever that may be
Even if am sure that somewhere inside of myself I already know
As we both once did

I will come out of hiding to a place of completion,
With my hand open to give and receive all of the fruit of our labor.
I will bare my all without fear of rejection
Allowing you to love all of my imperfections as
God’s perfection of me ensues
Secure in the knowing that what will be, WILL BE
And through God, and love, and time, and FRIENDSHIP
Anything is possible.
And whatever we share – even beyond, outside, of our ideal
Will be beautiful.
Will be meant.
Will be.

But while I am hiding
And when I am hiding
Please know
That there are no boundaries, no rules
No walls, No restraints
No boxes holding me inside
I retreat only to see more clearly
To firmly grasp the present reality
But I cannot escape you
As I cannot escape truth
In spite of how things may appear
Love, Faith is bigger than the tangible
Our love is bigger that what is known, even to us
It lives outside of the box, beyond the confines of definition
Beyond the borders of a temporary setback
Outside of the realm of limited understanding
It is strong enough to endure both forward and backward movement
It will survive

And I am not leaving
I am only hiding
While I am still loving,
And I will be loving,
Always loving,


- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -

Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Am I breathing?
Please tell me if I am still breathing
Because my very breath seems to depend upon the words you say

I look around me and
Your face clouds my view
Your smile. Your eyes. Your skin.
Your touch. Your smell. Your taste,
Is all I am thinking,
Is all I am feeling,
Is all I am seeing,
Is all I can recall.
I can’t eat or sleep or breathe
I stopped breathing the day “I Love You” was replaced by "you too" or "1-4-3" or

Maybe she and I are not so different after all…

My mind says eat
But my body would rather starve
While my heart hangs in the balance

My mind says sleep
But my mind betrays even itself with thoughts of
Every new way you could possibly find to hurt my heart
Beyond this point
Preparing itself for annihilation of the worst kind...
And a defeat unknown to my worst imaginings.

My spirit says pray
But my heart can’t find words
I can’t find strength
I can’t find thoughts
I can’t find breath
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe

My mind says
Silly girl
You knew this would happen
You and your dreams
You and your ‘one’
You and your inability to accept the cards you have been dealt
You and your refusal to accept that love is just a chemical
A reaction to pleasure and security
That is always false, always fleeting…
Silly woman: whose learned nothing from the girl
Having gathered nothing from your past
Didn’t you know she could never really love you?
Didn’t you see the hand you were dealt
Before it was laid on the table?
Didn’t you know to run, run – fast, far away
From the inception?
Didn’t you know to run before she could hurt you more than all those before?
Didn’t you know that a happy fantasy was far better than this painful reality?
Didn’t you know that anything that looks too good to be true,
Probably is…?

As I question everything I’ve come to know
Suddenly realizing I knew nothing
Suddenly knowing that you loved a fantasy
A voice on a phone
An idea
A concept
Who was never really me at all…
No matter how much I bore my soul to you…
It wasn’t real, because you did not see me –
You only saw your idea of me.
Or who you wanted to see
Or who you needed me to be.

Knowing now that I was an escape route
A way out…a way into…the place that you wanted to be
Only that was never really with me…or even yourself

Silly me
Because I fell for the real thing…your face plastered to my eyes
Forever gazing at me that way you do…
Aiding my beautiful lie…
Making me believe with all my heart,
That you were meant to be mine.
‘Cause I am ‘your ONE’…right? Right.

And now I am living, hoping, dying…
Just to breath. Because my very breath
Depends upon the words you say.

So please tell me.

Am I breathing?

- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -