***On Saying Goodbye To My Last Living Grandmother...***

Although I've Tried Not To Give Thoughts Of This New Reality Too Much Energy This Week, Today I Lack The Ability To Compartmentalize My Current Truth...

YESTERDAY WE LAID MY BELOVED PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER — OUR MATRIARCH — TO REST. #MotherDear #Mama 💔

I Attended Via Photos And Video Clips In As Close To Real Time As Possible. In As Close To Real Time As My Processing Would Allow...

This Is What Goodbye Looks Like In This New World. No Hugging Or Holding. No Tangible, Physical Presence. Lonely And Empty And Unresolved. 

I Am On Autopilot. My Numbness And It's Origins As A Coping Mechanism Are Not Lost On Me. I Know My Emotions Will Catch Up With Me. In Some Ways They Already Have Via My Internal Process...But, From A Distance. I Am A Voyeur To My Own Pain. #Disconnected

So, For Today, I Worship. And, Hope. And, Move Forward The Only Way I Know How. Focused On An Uncertain Future With Powerful Determination To Manifest The Dreams She Didn't Get To See Come To Fruition While Here On Earth... Knowing That My Strength — That Willful, Obstinate Courage And Defiance Dressed In Quick Wit, A Razor Sharp Truth Telling Tongue, And A Wry Smile — I Got That From My Mama. 💪🏽🙏🏼💙