OUT OF MY HEAD

You are the total opposite of him
The utter epitome of the opposing idea
For what I imagined being right
Of who I imagined being right for me
But the truth is no one ever felt more right to me
And I hate you for that;
‘Cause I love you for that
You are everything I’ve grown to dread
And I just want you out of my head

You don’t look a thing like him
You don’t act a thing like him
You are nothing like me
We don’t believe in the same things
We believe only in opposing things – in the same way
With the same passion, the same lust, the same vigor, the same extreme
And you still make me smile against my will
But you’d rather make me cry, as you remind me of the special ‘we’
That in your mind never deserved to exist because I don’t deserve to exist
Because anomalies can’t be real
You’re such a sadist the way you slyly convey to me
That you’ve never known another me
But no matter how special or unique
You could never want a ‘me’ anyway
Sometimes you make me feel like I’d rather be dead
And I just want you out of my head

You love me so well, you’re loathing is exquisite
You see me so clearly; you don’t see me at all
I’ve heard your cries, felt your longings,
Known your passion, tasted of your sensuality
I know you as you know me, with no explanations, no logic
If there was ever any knowing at all
You have no heart; You have my heart
And you have no right anywhere near my mind…
You should have never said those things nasty things you said
And I just want you out of my fucking head

You think I am strange and cold
That I am incapable of changing
You think that I am too strong, too feisty, too dominant
You think nothing fazes me, that no one phases me
You think I’m not real
I’m an anomaly, therefore I shouldn’t; no, can’t exist
But I do – and I’ve changed so much because of you
So much for your theory on the anatomy of me
Now who’s the anomaly, Mr. one least likely
When you seem like a dream
That haunts my Mr. Right List
Is not what he seems
And stays on my “want to fight” list
But if I’m the anomaly – then why are you here?
I just want some peace,
And I want to want what I used to want
And to be who I used to be
Before the fantasy of you invaded the space of my reality
I want my straight laced, tall, chocolate, suburban,
Intellectual, anti-hip-hop, six-figure making,
Non-threatening andantes who worships the ground I walk on,
Likes my flaws, doesn’t love me so much
That he wants to make me better than I am,
Doesn’t love me so well that he makes me need to be better than I am
Because I’m just fine being me in his eyes
I want the man who loves what I love, who likes what I like
Who doesn’t make me question everything I’ve ever known
And everything about myself
I want the one who doesn’t make me feel like
I have to jump through hoops and prove my worth
Because his very presence makes me feel unworthy
I want to want the man, who is a reflection of me
Because he looks like me, because he acts like me, because he feels like me
I want to not look in the mirror and NOT see altered reflections of you

You can ignore 90% percent of all I just said
‘cause mostly, mostly, I just want you
Out of my head


- Copyright © AnOmali 101 -