FALL

FALL...
Monolog from 'Fall'
By Eric Schaeffer
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I’ve wanted to tell you for awhile now.
I wanted to say it
As you reached for a teacup
In your kitchen that night we fought
About "why we always have to eat
Chinese food on your floor"
And then made-up.
I wanted to say it
As the moonlight shown in on you
As you slept in your bed
The first time we made love there.
When I felt your heart racing against my chest.
In your (room) in Spain,
When you first saw your roses,
Even though I wasn't there.
But mostly I wanted to say it
The last night I saw you,
As I held you in my arms
Looking down at your precious face
Knowingly looking up at me.
Still inside you,
Quiet,
Motionless,
But so inside you.
I wanted so badly to tell you that...
The words each time graced my lips
Like an impostor.
Only to fall away
Like some great blizzard
That was taken out to sea
To rain it's fury on the dark ocean,
Alone, unbeknownst to any hearing.
I pray that you can hear them
For what they are,
Feel them for what they are,
And not mar them with the knowledge
That they stand apart from your ability
To reciprocate them.
Please take them in your heart,
Feel them with your eyes closed
And your soul open
For just a moment.
My voice speaking them softly
In your ear,
With a kiss.
When you smile,
When your head lightly moves to dance,
When your tongue finds my lips,
When you ramble over a glass of wine,
When you sit naked
After we've made love,
When you act boldly,
When you laugh,
When you squeeze my hand,
When you call my name in a gruff whisper,
When your heart races on my chest
In a close embrace,
When you love me.
What I’m sad about is selfish.
I’m sad at God's timing,
I’m only a man.
And as a man I miss you.
I miss you terribly.
I miss your kiss.
I miss your smile.
Oh, how I miss your smile.
But most of all I miss the moment
That hasn't happened yet.
The moment when you let yourself
Fall for me.
What makes it hard for me
Is knowing how much you care for me,
How much in a way you do love me.
How much you would enjoy
Smiling wryly as you hurled yourself
Backwards off the cliff,
And said "catch me, baby."
If I didn't know that,
I could make you a villain,
Me a victim,
And soothe myself.
But I can't
Because it isn't the truth.
The truth we both know.
The truth is "not today".
I know you're not leaving (him) for me,
And I wouldn't want you to.
I would want you to leave him for you.
I also know you would never
Fly a million miles
Just to see me smile at you.
Someday maybe, but not today.
So I guess I better disappear.
I know you'll be o.k.
And soon I will be too.
And maybe, just maybe,
If God so desires,
A day will come
When as friends
We will find ourselves
Accidentally strolling along
The white cliffs of Dover,
Or the mountain rocks of Mendocino,
Or the bonny emerald north
Of the Scottish seaboard,
Or the glistening harbor of old New York.
And from the heights in the stars,
Amongst the angels
Whose arms will cradle us,
In a moment neither of us was told about,
But knew like our oldest happiness.
We will look into each other's eyes
And know... It is today.
It is today.
And whether that day is tomorrow,
Or next week,
Or next year,
Or next lifetime.
I will finally get to tell you
To your sweet face,
The face that I will miss
More than I could ever tell,
That...
I love you,
I love you,
Oh, baby, I love you.
And you'll smile wryly,
Close your eyes,
Say "catch me, baby",
And fall.

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