✮...On Saying Goodbye To My Last Living Grandmother...✮

Aʟᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ I'ᴠᴇ Tʀɪᴇᴅ Nᴏᴛ Tᴏ Gɪᴠᴇ Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs Oғ Tʜɪs Nᴇᴡ Rᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ Tᴏᴏ Mᴜᴄʜ Eɴᴇʀɢʏ Tʜɪs Wᴇᴇᴋ, Tᴏᴅᴀʏ I Lᴀᴄᴋ Tʜᴇ Aʙɪʟɪᴛʏ Tᴏ Cᴏᴍᴘᴀʀᴛᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʟɪᴢᴇ Mʏ Cᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ Tʀᴜᴛʜ...

YESTERDAY WE LAID MY BELOVED PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER — OUR MATRIARCH — TO REST. #MᴏᴛʜᴇʀDᴇᴀʀ #Mᴀᴍᴀ 💔

I Aᴛᴛᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ Vɪᴀ Pʜᴏᴛᴏs Aɴᴅ Vɪᴅᴇᴏ Cʟɪᴘs Iɴ As Cʟᴏsᴇ Tᴏ Rᴇᴀʟ Tɪᴍᴇ As Pᴏssɪʙʟᴇ. Iɴ As Cʟᴏsᴇ Tᴏ Rᴇᴀʟ Tɪᴍᴇ As Mʏ Pʀᴏᴄᴇssɪɴɢ Wᴏᴜʟᴅ Aʟʟᴏᴡ...

Tʜɪs Is Wʜᴀᴛ Gᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ Lᴏᴏᴋs Lɪᴋᴇ Iɴ Tʜɪs Nᴇᴡ Wᴏʀʟᴅ. Nᴏ Hᴜɢɢɪɴɢ Oʀ Hᴏʟᴅɪɴɢ. Nᴏ Tᴀɴɢɪʙʟᴇ, Pʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟ Pʀᴇsᴇɴᴄᴇ. Lᴏɴᴇʟʏ Aɴᴅ Eᴍᴘᴛʏ Aɴᴅ Uɴʀᴇsᴏʟᴠᴇᴅ. 

I Aᴍ Oɴ Aᴜᴛᴏᴘɪʟᴏᴛ. Mʏ Nᴜᴍʙɴᴇss Aɴᴅ Iᴛ's Oʀɪɢɪɴs As A Cᴏᴘɪɴɢ Mᴇᴄʜᴀɴɪsᴍ Aʀᴇ Nᴏᴛ Lᴏsᴛ Oɴ Mᴇ. I Kɴᴏᴡ Mʏ Eᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs Wɪʟʟ Cᴀᴛᴄʜ Uᴘ Wɪᴛʜ Mᴇ. Iɴ Sᴏᴍᴇ Wᴀʏs Tʜᴇʏ Aʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ Hᴀᴠᴇ Vɪᴀ Mʏ Iɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟ Pʀᴏᴄᴇss...Bᴜᴛ, Fʀᴏᴍ A Dɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ. I Aᴍ A Vᴏʏᴇᴜʀ Tᴏ Mʏ Oᴡɴ Pᴀɪɴ. #Dɪsᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ

Sᴏ, Fᴏʀ Tᴏᴅᴀʏ, I Wᴏʀsʜɪᴘ. Aɴᴅ, Hᴏᴘᴇ. Aɴᴅ, Mᴏᴠᴇ Fᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ Tʜᴇ Oɴʟʏ Wᴀʏ I Kɴᴏᴡ Hᴏᴡ. Fᴏᴄᴜsᴇᴅ Oɴ Aɴ Uɴᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ Fᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ Wɪᴛʜ Pᴏᴡᴇʀғᴜʟ Dᴇᴛᴇʀᴍɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ Tᴏ Mᴀɴɪғᴇsᴛ Tʜᴇ Dʀᴇᴀᴍs Sʜᴇ Dɪᴅɴ'ᴛ Gᴇᴛ Tᴏ Sᴇᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Tᴏ Fʀᴜɪᴛɪᴏɴ Wʜɪʟᴇ Hᴇʀᴇ Oɴ Eᴀʀᴛʜ... Kɴᴏᴡɪɴɢ Tʜᴀᴛ Mʏ Sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ — Tʜᴀᴛ Wɪʟʟғᴜʟ, Oʙsᴛɪɴᴀᴛᴇ Cᴏᴜʀᴀɢᴇ Aɴᴅ Dᴇғɪᴀɴᴄᴇ Dʀᴇssᴇᴅ Iɴ Qᴜɪᴄᴋ Wɪᴛ, A Rᴀᴢᴏʀ Sʜᴀʀᴘ Tʀᴜᴛʜ Tᴇʟʟɪɴɢ Tᴏɴɢᴜᴇ, Aɴᴅ A Wʀʏ Sᴍɪʟᴇ — I Gᴏᴛ Tʜᴀᴛ Fʀᴏᴍ Mʏ Mᴀᴍᴀ. 💪🏽🙏🏼💙

#𝓐𝓷𝓞𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓲™

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

#𝕸𝔢𝔱𝔞𝕮𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔩 🔥

#Mⷨᴀͣɴɪͥғᴇͤs͛ᴛⷮɪͥɴɢ 🔮

#𝐒ₑₗ𝐟𝐋ₒᵥₑ𝐈ₛₐ𝐅ᵤₗₗ𝐓ᵢₘₑ𝐆ᵢ𝐠 👑

#ɢₒᴅᴅᵣₑₐₘₛₜₕₑᵦᵢɢɢₑᵣᴅᵣₑₐₘ ⭐

#𝓘𝓐𝓶𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓕𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮 ♀️

#𝐼𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑀𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑠 ⚛️ 

#𝑈𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑠𝑆𝑎𝑚𝑒 🦄

#IKɴᴏᴡMʏWᴏʀᴛʜ 💎

#𝔐𝔶𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢ℑ𝔰𝔄𝔫𝔒𝔠𝔢𝔞𝔫 🌊

#𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝐼𝑠𝐴𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒‼️ 

#𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝐺𝑆𝑝𝑜𝑡 🎯

#𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦𝑀𝑦𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑙 🧩

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑑 🏆

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑊𝑎𝑖𝑡 🔜

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑂𝑛𝑒 💍

#QᴜᴇᴇɴTʜɪɴɢs 🏰

#𝑵ᴇᴠᴇʀ𝑺ᴇᴛᴛʟᴇ ✊🏽

#LᴀᴛᴇTᴏTʜᴇPᴀʀᴛʏBᴇʟʟᴇOғTʜᴇBᴀʟʟ 🩰

#TʀᴜᴇGʀᴇᴀᴛɴᴇssDᴏᴇsNᴏᴛFᴇᴀʀTɪᴍᴇ ⏳

#YᴏᴜʀGɪғᴛsWɪʟʟMᴀᴋᴇRᴏᴏᴍFᴏʀYᴏᴜ 🎁

#IғYᴏᴜᴠᴇCᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅMᴇOᴜᴛKᴇᴇᴘCᴏᴜɴᴛɪɴɢ 🔝

And, I Wish I Could Rain...

Over 10k Have Died In Italy. Spain Is Averaging 1k Deaths A Day. A DAY! The US Didn't Listen To Italian Experts A Month Ago And We Are Now Well Past 120k Confirmed Cases And Rising. Our Federal Government Is Completely Incompetent And Unprepared With A Malignent Narcissist At The Helm Singlehandedly Murdering His Followers With His Careless Tongue.

People Are Dying. DYING. Full Stop.

The Empath In Me Is Currently Greater Than The Fear In Me. As Is My Righteous Anger. I Cannot Begin To Imagine The Magnitude And Horror Of These Losses. Over 30k Worldwide With No Stop In Sight Because Of Human Ignorance And Arrogance And Horrific Governments. And, I Don't Know A Single Empath Who Doesn't Have An Anxiety Disorder Of Some Sort, So There's Also That. This Is A Nightmare Of Unimagined Proportions And I Think So Many Still Have Their Heads Up Their 🤬🤬🤬.

"Can't You See The Clouds Gathering?".

I'm Still Grateful For Shelter And Provision And Health. But, I Am Also Sad And Grieving The Tremendous Loss Of Life And The Reality That It Will Be Exponentially Worse Before This Is All Over. What Is Abundantly Clear To Me Is That Life And The World Will Never Be The Same After This. Because This Virus Marks A Before And After...

Today It Is Storming And Rainy And I Feel Just Like The Skies — Dark, Heavy, Tempestuous, And Wishing I Could Wash It All Away...😢

#Coronavirus #Covid19 

Romanticism And The Ghosts Of Toxic Relationships Past...

Yᴏᴜ Dᴏ Yᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ Nᴏ Fᴀᴠᴏʀs Bʏ Rᴏᴍᴀɴᴛɪᴄɪᴢɪɴɢ Yᴏᴜʀ Rᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ Hɪsᴛᴏʀʏ Aɴᴅ Pʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ Aʟʟ Oғ Tʜᴏsᴇ Rᴇᴅ Fʟᴀɢs Yᴏᴜ Mɪssᴇᴅ, Oᴠᴇʀʟᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ, Oʀ Sɪᴍᴘʟʏ Pʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ Nᴏᴛ Tᴏ Sᴇᴇ Sɪᴍᴘʟʏ Dɪᴅɴ'ᴛ Exɪsᴛ. 

Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴀʟ Rᴇᴀsᴏɴ Yᴏᴜ Cᴀɴ'ᴛ Gᴇᴛ Oᴠᴇʀ Aɴ Ex Isɴ'ᴛ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Iᴛ Oʀ Tʜᴇʏ Wᴇʀᴇ Sᴏ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ. Iᴛ's Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Yᴏᴜ Aʀᴇ Sᴛɪʟʟ Mᴏʀᴇ Aᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴇᴅ Tᴏ Tʜᴇ Iᴅᴇᴀ Oғ Wʜᴏ (Yᴏᴜ Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ) Tʜᴇʏ Wᴇʀᴇ (Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ), Tʜᴀɴ Wʜᴏ Tʜᴀᴛ Pᴇʀsᴏɴ Aᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ WAS, IS Aɴᴅ Hᴀs Pʀᴏᴠᴇɴ Tʜᴇᴍsᴇʟᴠᴇs Tᴏ Bᴇ Oᴠᴇʀ Aɴᴅ Oᴠᴇʀ Aɢᴀɪɴ, Aɴᴅ, Aᴛ Yᴏᴜʀ Exᴘᴇɴsᴇ. Yᴏᴜ Aʀᴇ Mᴏʀᴇ Aᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴇᴅ Tᴏ Wʜᴀᴛ Yᴏᴜ Tʜɪɴᴋ/THOUGHT Yᴏᴜ Sʜᴀʀᴇᴅ (Wɪᴛʜ Tʜᴇᴍ) Tʜᴀɴ Tᴏ Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ Yᴏᴜ Aᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ Lɪᴠᴇᴅ Tʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ... Yᴏᴜʀ Eɢᴏ Wᴏɴ'ᴛ Lᴇᴛ Yᴏᴜ Aᴄᴄᴇᴘᴛ Tʜᴀᴛ Yᴏᴜ Mɪss A Fᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ, Aɴ Iᴅᴇᴀ, A Fᴀɴᴛᴀsʏ Mᴏʀᴇ Tʜᴀɴ Yᴏᴜ Mɪss A Pᴇʀsᴏɴ...#Rᴏᴍᴀɴᴛɪᴄɪsᴍ

Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs Wᴇ Nᴇᴇᴅ Tᴏ Sᴛᴇᴘ Bᴀᴄᴋ Aɴᴅ Sᴇᴇ Aɴ Uɢʟʏ Tʜɪɴɢ Iɴ Oᴜʀ Hɪsᴛᴏʀʏ Fᴏʀ Wʜᴀᴛ Iᴛ Rᴇᴀʟʟʏ Is Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ Wᴇ Mɪss Oᴜᴛ Oɴ Aʟʟ Tʜᴇ Aᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ Bᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ Iɴ Oᴜʀ Fᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ... Sᴛᴏᴘ Sᴇᴛᴛʟɪɴɢ Fᴏʀ Pᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ Wʜᴇɴ Yᴏᴜ Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Hᴀᴠᴇ Pᴇʀғᴇᴄᴛ... Gʀɪᴇᴠᴇ Aɴᴅ MOVE ON. 

Iᴛ's Aᴋɪɴ Tᴏ Pᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ Hᴀɴᴅᴄᴜғғs Oɴ Gᴏᴅ. Oᴜʀ Aᴄᴛɪᴏɴs, Lᴀᴄᴋ Oғ Fᴀɪᴛʜ Iɴ Mᴇʀᴇ Pᴏssɪʙɪʟɪᴛʏ, Aɴᴅ CHOICE Tᴏ Sᴛᴀʏ Sᴛᴜᴄᴋ Hᴀs Eᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ Tᴏ Dᴏ Wɪᴛʜ Us. Iᴛ's Lɪᴋᴇ Kɴᴏᴡɪɴɢ Tʜᴇʀᴇ Aʀᴇ 8 Bɪʟʟɪᴏɴ Pᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ Oɴ Tʜᴇ Pʟᴀɴᴇᴛ, Bᴜᴛ, Sᴛɪʟʟ Sᴜʙᴄᴏɴsᴄɪᴏᴜsʟʏ Bᴇʟɪᴇᴠɪɴɢ Tʜᴀᴛ Tʜᴇ Nᴏᴡ Dᴇғᴜɴᴄᴛ, Tᴏxɪᴄ Dʏsғᴜɴᴄᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ Rᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ Fʀᴏᴍ Oᴜʀ Pᴀsᴛ Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Sᴛɪʟʟ Cʟᴜᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ Oɴᴛᴏ Tʜᴇ Mᴇᴍᴏʀʏ Oғ Fᴏʀ Dᴇᴀʀ Lɪғᴇ (As Iᴛ Rᴏʙs Us Oғ Eɴᴇʀɢʏ, Lɪғᴇ, Hᴏᴘᴇ Aɴᴅ Oᴜʀ Fᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ) Is As Gᴏᴏᴅ As Iᴛ Gᴇᴛs Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Iᴛ's REPRESENTATIVE Fᴇʟᴛ Sᴏ Gᴏᴏᴅ Fᴏʀ A SEASON. As Iғ Gᴏᴅ Cᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ Dᴏ Aɴʏ Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ... As Iғ Gᴏᴅ Sᴇɴᴅs Cᴏᴜɴᴛᴇʀғᴇɪᴛs Oʀ Uɴғɪɴɪsʜᴇᴅ Wᴏʀᴋ Fᴏʀ Us Tᴏ Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ Fᴏʀ Hɪᴍ...

NO! Iᴛ Wᴀs Jᴜsᴛ As Gᴏᴏᴅ As Yᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ Gᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ. Aᴄᴄᴇᴘᴛᴇᴅ. Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Hᴀɴᴅʟᴇ. Wᴇʀᴇ Rᴇᴀᴅʏ Fᴏʀ. Wᴇʀᴇ PREPARED Fᴏʀ... Aɴᴅ, Iᴛ Wᴀsɴ'ᴛ Eᴠᴇɴ Rᴇᴀʟ! Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ A Lɪᴇ Cᴀɴ Nᴇᴠᴇʀ Bᴇ Rᴇᴀʟ Aɴᴅ A Rᴇᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ's Pᴇʀғᴏʀᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ — Eᴠᴇɴ Aɴ Exᴛᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ, Osᴄᴀʀ Wᴏʀᴛʜʏ Oɴᴇ — Cᴀɴ Nᴇᴠᴇʀ Bᴇ Tʜᴇ Tʀᴜᴛʜ. Iᴛ's A Fᴀʟsᴇ Nᴀʀʀᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ. 

Hᴏᴡ Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Yᴏᴜ Hᴀᴠᴇ Bᴜɪʟᴛ Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ Rᴇᴀʟ Wɪᴛʜ Oʀ Oɴ A Fᴀᴄᴀᴅᴇ? Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs Iᴛ Jᴜsᴛ Is Wʜᴀᴛ Iᴛ Is. 

Gʀᴇᴀᴛᴇʀ Cᴀɴ'ᴛ Cᴏᴍᴇ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Yᴏᴜ Wᴏɴ'ᴛ Mᴀᴋᴇ Rᴏᴏᴍ Fᴏʀ Iᴛ. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Yᴏᴜ Sᴛɪʟʟ Bᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ Iɴ A Fɪɢᴍᴇɴᴛ Oғ Yᴏᴜʀ Iᴍᴀɢɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Rᴇᴀʟ Wɪʟʟ Rᴇᴏ̨ᴜɪʀᴇ Mᴏʀᴇ Oғ Yᴏᴜ Tʜᴀɴ Tʜᴇ Cᴏᴜɴᴛᴇʀғᴇɪᴛ Eᴠᴇʀ Dɪᴅ. Eᴠᴇɴ Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ Iᴛ Aʀʀɪᴠᴇs...

Dᴏ. Tʜᴇ. Wᴏʀᴋ. 

Lᴇᴛ. Iᴛ. Gᴏ.

Lᴇᴛ. Iᴛ. Dɪᴇ.

#Cʜᴏᴏsᴇ #LIVE

(Oʀ, Sᴛᴀʏ Sᴛᴜᴄᴋ)

#TʜᴇWᴀɪᴛ #TʜᴇWᴏʀᴋ #TʜᴇLᴇssᴏɴs #TʜᴇPʀᴏᴄᴇss #Bᴜᴛᴛᴇʀᴘɪʟʟᴀʀ 🦋

Abyss (Resignation/The Temp/Better Than)

I'm always going to be the girl
Who slipped through the cracks
Of your brokenness

Only to occupy the emptiness
Left behind
To keep you from feeling
It's vacant sting

Never to be enough
Loved enough
Seen enough
Cherished enough
Or, leave a hole
Of my own
In my inevitable absence...

Never To Be The Dream.
The idea.
The standard.
Above all others —
No matter how extraordinary
Worthy
Deserving
I might be...
Am.
Or,
The love of your life.
The one who would
Or, even could
Inspire you
To one day boldly proclaim
"I've never loved any woman
The way that I
Love you!"
Not your everything
Or, even first.

Only The Shallow Water
That lines the abyss
That was once
Your heart.

For, that space...
That space will always
Belong to another.

Less worthy. Less true.
Less pure.

Less ME.

But, you don't want (SEE) me.
Not really.
Or, you'd be, things would be
This would be...
Different.

So, I...

And, I...

I am only here
To occupy
The void
Until I am left
With one of my own...


—AnOmali™

I'm Just Too Good At Goodbyes...

Tʜɪs Is Tʀᴜᴇ Oɴ Sᴏ Mᴀɴʏ Lᴇᴠᴇʟs — Fᴀᴍɪʟʏ, Fʀɪᴇɴᴅs, Rᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ, Eᴠᴇɴ Sᴏᴍᴇ Bᴜsɪɴᴇss Rᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘs... *sɪɢʜ*

Iɴ Sᴘɪᴛᴇ Oғ Mʏ Sᴘᴏᴛ Oɴ Iɴᴛᴜɪᴛɪᴏɴ/Dɪsᴄᴇʀɴᴍᴇɴᴛ, I Aᴍ ALWAYS Wᴀʏ Tᴏᴏ Fᴀɪʀ Aɴᴅ Fᴀʀ Tᴏᴏ Eᴍᴘᴀᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄ Aɴᴅ Fᴏʀɢɪᴠɪɴɢ, Eᴠᴇɴ Tᴏ Tʜᴏsᴇ Wʜᴏ Mᴇᴀɴ Mᴇ Hᴀʀᴍ. Mʏ Aʙɪʟɪᴛʏ Tᴏ Uɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ Tʜᴇ "Wʜʏ" Tᴏᴏ Oғᴛᴇɴ Sᴜᴘᴇʀᴄᴇᴅᴇs Tʜᴇ "Wʜᴀᴛ"...

Iɴᴛᴇɢʀɪᴛʏ Is Mʏ Cᴏᴅᴇ Aɴᴅ Sᴛᴀɴᴅᴀʀᴅ. Bᴜᴛ, Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs Iᴛ Sᴜᴄᴋs Aʟᴡᴀʏs Tʀʏɪɴɢ Tᴏ Dᴏ Rɪɢʜᴛ Bʏ/Sᴇᴇ Tʜᴇ Bᴇsᴛ Iɴ Pᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ Aɴᴅ Gɪᴠᴇ Tʜᴇᴍ Tʜᴇ Bᴇɴᴇғɪᴛ Oғ Tʜᴇ Dᴏᴜʙᴛ Wʜᴇɴ Tʜᴇʀᴇ Tᴜʀɴs Oᴜᴛ Tᴏ Bᴇ Sᴏ Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ Gᴏᴏᴅ Tᴏ Sᴇᴇ. Hᴏᴘᴇ Aɴᴅ Mʏ Iɴsᴛɪɴᴄᴛs Aʀᴇ Iɴ A Cᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ Tᴜɢ-ᴏғ-ᴡᴀʀ...😔

Rᴇsᴛ Assᴜʀᴇᴅ, Hᴏᴡᴇᴠᴇʀ, I'ᴠᴇ Gᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ Mᴜᴄʜ Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Wɪᴛʜ Sᴄɪssᴏʀs...✂️

#GɪᴠɪɴɢUᴘIsHᴀʀᴅTᴏDᴏ —ʙᴜᴛ—

#IᴠᴇGᴏᴛTʜᴇGɪғᴛOғGᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ✌🏼

#EᴠᴇɴWʜᴇɴIᴛHᴜʀᴛs 😢

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

✨My Thoughts On #BothamJean✨ (+#Forgiveness and #HuggingMurderers)

 

✨My Thoughts On #BothamJean✨ (+#Forgiveness and #HuggingMurderers) 

After Reading The Post Attached Alongside Botham's Mother's Statement (Attached Below——Which Very Much Gave Voice To How I Was Internally Processing And Affirmed My Silent Musings Over The Topic Of Botham Jean And The Photos Of His Brother Hugging His Murderer——Silent Because So Many Of You Are So Irrationally Vocal About Something You've Never Endured), I Was Finally Provoked To Respond And Share My Personal Thoughts Whilst Knowing That Most Of You Are Lingering In A Place Of Hostility About Anyone Who Is Able To Step Beyond The Surface Of A Hug And Perhaps See The Bigger Picture Beyond Themselves...

——————–—

First — I understood the hug. On a deeply personal level. And, I could not agree more with Bishop Flunder's or Botham's Mother's sentiments (below). Most folks haven't faced this kind of tragic loss and injustice.

To preface my perspective, my father, a pastor, was murdered in his church while leading a prayer meeting, by a serial killer named Juan Covington on August 19th, 1998. I have faced this difficult conundrum that most of you are only experiencing vicariously head on. And, I can honestly say, unequivocally, that forgiveness was my only path forward if I was to, indeed, move forward in freedom and peace. Hating my father's killer or wishing him ill or dead or harm in prison did absolutely nothing to resolve my pain or propel me into a meaningful life of purpose in my future.

I HAD TO FORGIVE THE MAN WHO MURDERED MY FATHER.

I've had many debates about this general topic over the years prior to these "hugging" photos and have often been frustrated by just how opinionated, indignant and emotional folks who have never traversed a similar path are over someone wanting to operate from a place of Christ Consciousness even in the ugliest of circumstances for their own sanity and salvation. Especially when the reality is that you can't know how you would react until you are living it. Period.

I don't believe it is for us to punish, withhold, or play judge and jury in these types of situations at this point in my life. And, yes, I understand all of the racial and historical, political and even regional implications. Yes, she should be sorry and have plead guilty. Yes, the system is broken. Yes, race absolutely played a significant part in her sentencing. Yes, it's unfair and it all sucks and it's hard to be Black in America. Yes, Botham Jean should be standing in front of his congregation come Sunday morning bellowing out a robust hymn to lead the people in worship. But, it is all so much more personal and complex in the moment than onlookers could ever fathom. And, I really wish some of you would take a step back for just a moment from the projection of your own feelings and consider his family's...

My resolve stems from a well worn, experiential understanding that nothing is simply black and white (it's not either/or — it's both/and).

Even when it is so very much about Black and White...🖤

— 𝓐𝓷𝓞𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓲™

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

Tɪʀᴇᴅ Oғ Cᴀᴘ(s)...🍾

Click This Link If Video Won't Play

— I PROMISE I Fᴇᴇʟ Lɪᴋᴇ I Nᴇᴇᴅ Tᴏ Rᴇᴠɪsɪᴛ #Tʜɪs DAILY Uɴᴛɪʟ...💍

|🍶 ❞𝑰 𝑵𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝑩𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑻𝒐 𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑨 𝑪𝒂𝒑!!!❞ 🍶|

Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ, Yᴏᴜʀ Gɪʀʟ Is #TᴇᴀᴍTɪʀᴇᴅ Oғ Cᴀᴘ(s) [Sᴇᴇ Wʜᴀᴛ I Dɪᴅ Tʜᴇʀᴇ? 😏]... Tʜᴇ Sᴇᴇʀ, Hᴇᴀʟᴇʀ Aɴᴅ Nᴜʀᴛᴜʀᴇʀ Iɴ Mᴇ Aʟᴡᴀʏs Gɪᴠᴇs Tᴏᴏ Mᴜᴄʜ Gʀᴀᴄᴇ Aɴᴅ Mᴀᴋᴇs Tᴏᴏ Mᴜᴄʜ Rᴏᴏᴍ Fᴏʀ Uɴʀᴇᴀʟɪᴢᴇᴅ Pᴏᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴀʟ Oʀ Eᴠᴇɴ Fᴏʀ Tʜᴇ Iɴᴇᴠɪᴛᴀʙʟᴇ Mᴀɴɪғᴇsᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ Oғ Wʜᴀᴛ I Kɴᴏᴡ Aɴᴅ SEE (Wɪᴛʜ Cᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴛʏ) Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Bᴇ/Is Cᴏᴍɪɴɢ Bᴜᴛ Cᴀɴ NOT Pʀᴇss Pᴀᴜsᴇ Aɴᴅ Wᴀɪᴛ Fᴏʀ ⏯️. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ, Bʟᴇssɪɴɢ AND Cᴜʀsᴇ, I'ᴠᴇ Bᴇᴇɴ Gɪғᴛᴇᴅ Wɪᴛʜ Tʜᴇ CAPACITY Fᴏʀ Iᴛ ALL — Bᴜᴛ Lɪғᴇ Isɴ'ᴛ Wᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ Fᴏʀ Aɴʏᴏɴᴇ Tᴏ Pʟᴀʏ Cᴀᴛᴄʜ Uᴘ Aɴᴅ I Cᴀɴ'ᴛ Aғғᴏʀᴅ Tᴏ, Eɪᴛʜᴇʀ. Yᴏᴜ Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Gᴇᴛ Tɪᴍᴇ Bᴀᴄᴋ. EᴠᴇƦ...⏳

RELATABLE? 👀

Fᴏʀ Mᴇ, Pᴏᴜʀɪɴɢ Iɴᴛᴏ Tʜᴇ Mᴀɴ I Lᴏᴠᴇ Is Oɴᴇ Oғ Mʏ Gʀᴇᴀᴛᴇsᴛ Jᴏʏs. I Lɪᴠᴇ Fᴏʀ Tʜᴇ Pᴀʀᴛ Oғ Lᴏᴠᴇ Tʜᴀᴛ Is Sᴇʀᴠɪɴɢ, Bᴜɪʟᴅɪɴɢ (Yᴏᴜ Uᴘ), Pᴏᴜʀɪɴɢ (Iɴᴛᴏ Yᴏᴜ), Aғғɪʀᴍɪɴɢ (Yᴏᴜ) — Aʟᴡᴀʏs Bᴇɪɴɢ Tᴇɴ Sᴛᴇᴘs Aʜᴇᴀᴅ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I Aᴍ (Aɴᴏɪɴᴛᴇᴅ Tᴏ Bᴇ) A WIFE Aᴛ Hᴇᴀʀᴛ. Bᴇɪɴɢ A Hᴇʟᴘ-ᴍᴇᴇᴛ Is Mʏ Gᴇɴᴜɪɴᴇ Nᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ Eᴠᴇɴ As I Wᴏʀᴋ Tᴏ Cᴏɴᴏ̨ᴜᴇʀ Tʜᴇ Wᴏʀʟᴅ Aɴᴅ Mʏ Dʀᴇᴀᴍs Fᴏʀ/Bʏ Mʏsᴇʟғ. I Tᴀᴋᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ Pʟᴇᴀsᴜʀᴇ Iɴ Tᴀᴋɪɴɢ Gᴏᴏᴅ Cᴀʀᴇ Oғ Wʜᴀᴛ Bᴇʟᴏɴɢs Tᴏ Mᴇ. Esᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ Wʜᴇɴ Tʜᴇ Rᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ Is Hᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏ Aɴᴅ Iᴛ's Wɪᴛʜ Aɴᴅ Fᴏʀ Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ Wɪᴛʜ Cʟᴇᴀʀ, Dᴇғɪɴɪᴛɪᴠᴇ Iɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ.

Bᴜɪʟᴅɪɴɢ Eᴍᴘɪʀᴇs, Mɪɴɪsᴛʀʏ, Fᴀᴍɪʟʏ, Dʀᴇᴀᴍs, Lᴇɢᴀᴄʏ Bᴜɪʟᴛ Iɴ Gʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇᴅ, Pᴀssɪᴏɴᴀᴛᴇ, Mᴏᴠɪᴇ Mᴀɢɪᴄ Kɪɴᴅ Oғ Lᴏᴠᴇ Aɴᴅ Iɴ Gᴏᴅ's Sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ — Tʜᴀᴛ's Tʜᴇ Dʀᴇᴀᴍ! Sᴏ, Wʜᴇɴ I Lᴏᴠᴇ Sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ I Kɴᴏᴡ Aᴛ Tʜᴇɪʀ Bᴇsᴛ Is Wᴏʀᴛʜʏ, Eᴠᴇɴ Wʜᴇɴ Tʜᴇʏ Aʀᴇ FAR Fʀᴏᴍ Tʜᴇɪʀ Bᴇsᴛ, Mʏ Cᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ Fᴏʀ Pᴀᴛɪᴇɴᴛʟʏ Tᴏʟᴇʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ (Tᴏᴏ) Mᴜᴄʜ Fᴏʀ Tʜᴇᴍ Tᴏ Gᴇᴛ Tʜᴇʀᴇ Is Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs Fᴀʀ Tᴏᴏ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ. Mʏ 1ˢᵗ Cᴏʀɪɴᴛʜɪᴀɴs 13:⁴⁻⁸ Bᴀsᴇᴅ Lᴏᴠᴇ Hᴀs Rᴏᴏᴍ Fᴏʀ Nᴇᴀʀ Iɴғɪɴɪᴛᴇ Gʀᴀᴄᴇ. Aɴᴅ, Iɴ Tʜɪs Hᴜᴍᴀɴ Fᴏʀᴍ Hᴀᴠɪɴɢ Tᴏ Eɴɢᴀɢᴇ Wɪᴛʜ Aɴᴅ Mᴀɴᴇᴜᴠᴇʀ Aʀᴏᴜɴᴅ Oᴛʜᴇʀ Hᴜᴍᴀɴs, Tʜᴀᴛ Cᴀɴ Bᴇ HIGHLY Pʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍᴀᴛɪᴄ Iɴ Tᴇʀᴍs Oғ Aʟsᴏ Lᴏᴠɪɴɢ Mʏsᴇʟғ Wᴇʟʟ...🛑

HOWEVER, Iɴ Sᴘɪᴛᴇ Oғ Tʜᴇ Gɪғᴛ Oғ Nᴇᴀʀ Iɴғɪɴɪᴛᴇ Gʀᴀᴄᴇ, Wʜᴀᴛ I Dᴏ NOT Hᴀᴠᴇ Eɴᴏᴜɢʜ Oғ Tᴏ Sᴘᴀʀᴇ Is TIME...⌛ Aɴᴅ, I Aʟsᴏ Hᴀᴠᴇ Nᴏ Mᴏʀᴇ Pᴀᴛɪᴇɴᴄᴇ Fᴏʀ Sᴇᴛᴛʟɪɴɢ Fᴏʀ A Lᴀᴄᴋ Oғ Eғғᴏʀᴛ OR A Lᴀᴄᴋ Oғ Rᴇᴄɪᴘʀᴏᴄɪᴛʏ: A Lᴀᴄᴋ Oғ Cᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ — Esᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ Fʀᴏᴍ "Mᴇɴ Oғ Gᴏᴅ" Wʜᴏ Usᴇ Wᴏʀᴅs Lɪᴋᴇ "Lᴏᴠᴇ" Wɪᴛʜ Tʜᴇ Sᴀᴍᴇ Rᴇᴠᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ As Tʜᴇʏ Dᴏ Aɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ Cᴀᴠᴀʟɪᴇʀ Oʀ Mᴜɴᴅᴀɴᴇ Iɴ Tʜᴇɪʀ Lɪᴠᴇs ⁽ᵂʰⁱᶜʰ ᴵˢ ᵀᵒ ᔆᵃʸ ᴱˣᵃᶜᵗˡʸ ᴺᵒⁿᵉ⁾... 😒

Mᴇᴇᴛ Mᴇ Aɴᴅ Mᴀᴛᴄʜ Mᴇ Wʜᴇʀᴇ I Dᴡᴇʟʟ. Iᴛ's Bᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ Hᴇʀᴇ... PURE LOVE. Cᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ. Eᴏ̨ᴜɪᴛʏ. Pᴜʀᴘᴏsᴇ. Sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ. Hᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ. Iɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ. Bᴇɪɴɢ Eᴏ̨ᴜᴀʟʟʏ Yᴏᴋᴇᴅ...

🥚☯️🥚

Cʀᴜᴍʙs Aʀᴇ NOT Mʏ Pᴏʀᴛɪᴏɴ. Aɴᴅ, Nᴇɪᴛʜᴇʀ Aʀᴇ Cᴀᴘs...🍾

#𝓐𝓷𝓞𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓲™

#𝑩𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 🦋

#𝐒ₑₗ𝐟𝐋ₒᵥₑ𝐈ₛₐ𝐅ᵤₗₗ𝐓ᵢₘₑ𝐆ᵢ𝐠 👑

#ɢₒᴅᴅᵣₑₐₘₛₜₕₑᵦᵢɢɢₑᵣᴅᵣₑₐₘ ⭐

#𝓘𝓐𝓶𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓕𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮 ♀️

#𝐼𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑀𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑠 ⚛️ 

#𝑈𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑠𝑆𝑎𝑚𝑒 🦄

#IKɴᴏᴡMʏWᴏʀᴛʜ 💎

#𝔐𝔶𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢ℑ𝔰𝔄𝔫𝔒𝔠𝔢𝔞𝔫 🌊

#𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝐼𝑠𝐴𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒‼️ 

#𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝐺𝑆𝑝𝑜𝑡 🎯

#𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦𝑀𝑦𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑙 🧩

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑑 👑

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑊𝑎𝑖𝑡 ⏳

#𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑂𝑛𝑒 💍

#QᴜᴇᴇɴTʜɪɴɢs 🏰

#𝑵ᴇᴠᴇʀ𝑺ᴇᴛᴛʟᴇ ✊🏽

#LᴀᴛᴇTᴏTʜᴇPᴀʀᴛʏBᴇʟʟᴇOғTʜᴇBᴀʟʟ 🩰

#TʀᴜᴇGʀᴇᴀᴛɴᴇssDᴏᴇsNᴏᴛFᴇᴀʀTɪᴍᴇ ⏳

#YᴏᴜʀGɪғᴛsWɪʟʟMᴀᴋᴇRᴏᴏᴍFᴏʀYᴏᴜ 🏆

#IғYᴏᴜᴠᴇCᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅMᴇOᴜᴛKᴇᴇᴘCᴏᴜɴᴛɪɴɢ 7️⃣

Credit: PASTOR KEION HENDERSON — "It's A Trap!"

#WhyIDidntReportIt

 

#WhyIDidntReportIt

Because I was the Bible study teacher and gospel choir director on my college campus with a LOT of bad theology to unlearn. And, because prior, I was an outspoken virgin and abstinence advocate, purity ring and all... Because preachers and pastors had been touching me inappropriately on the low since I was 13 or younger as a young Minister of Music. Because I thought no one would believe the 17 year old sophomore from Philly hanging out with the 22 year old football player from Texas alone in the dorms after hours... Because teammates he told made jokes that somebody had "finally hit that". 

Because I was a CHILD. Because Daddy wasn't around to build my sense of self worth and confidence and I didn't feel safe or like I would be protected because I had NEVER felt safe or protected in any situation or environment including church... Because I'd be seen as a race traitor to a Black man and athlete with a promising career. Because I didn't want to give the adult church tyrants any more ammunition to torment and ostracize teenage me than they'd already manufactured to justify their insecurity based constant cruelty and bullying that had pushed me to attempt suicide before the age of 16. 

Because Black women are never seen as victims, only unacknowledged survivors. Because I felt responsible. Because... Shame. Guilt. Confusion. Fear. Judgement. Because no one told me I could/should OR that, as a [Black] girl, it was OK to ever show weakness or even complain... Because I'd never been given the tools I needed to survive, so, I just had to figure it all out by myself along the way and had no concept of how to depend on others or even let anyone in. Because I felt ugly. And, dirty. And, undesirable. And, unworthy. And, small. And, betrayed. 

Because he took my voice away. 

Because society took my voice away. 

Because church folks took my voice away. 

Because the conditioning of lifelong abuse in every conceivable space — took my voice away...

#Solidarity

#Survival

#Cleansing

#Freedom ✊🏼

(Thank you @ L. Michael Gipson for giving me the courage to process this question and share a portion of it's answer aloud...❤️)

❞WE...❞ (Transcendental)

None have ever loved as we...

If ever two have loved as we, 

We were they—in lives past.
In worlds past.
In past, present and future tense.

We are.

Love infinite...

For My One... (Only One)

My One

As the moon recognizes the passing hand of the sun
I saw you pass and recognized you as
The one, MY one
Meaning more than half the day spent
Memorizing the nape of your neck
Tonguing down trails
And back up to vocal chords that murmur:
"Don't stop, Don't stop"
We fit
You are my one
My perfect one
My single most wanted
Hips, ass and toes,
Lips, ears and nose
To be exposed
On top of this face of
Smiling grace
That dislikes the taste of tens
And only has appetite for the likes
Of my one
You're my one,
My one
Please be my only one

- Saul Williams -

I'D GIVE UP ICE CREAM FOR YOU...🍦🍨

❞Cᴏᴠᴇɴᴀɴᴛ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ “ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴏᴜs sᴏᴜʟ” ᴀᴛᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ. 

Tʜᴇ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴏᴜs sᴏᴜʟ ɢɪᴠᴇs ɴᴏᴛ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ᴠᴀʟᴜᴀʙʟᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜɪᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴀsᴋs ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ʜᴏɴᴏʀᴀʙʟᴇ.

A “ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴏᴜs sᴏᴜʟ” ᴀᴛᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇs ʙᴏᴛʜ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀғғɪʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴏʀᴅs ᴏғ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛɴᴇss. Iᴛ ᴏ̨ᴜɪᴄᴋʟʏ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴏᴛᴇs ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴏᴠᴇʀ sᴇʟғ.

Aʟʟ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘs ɢʀᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ “ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴏᴜs sᴏᴜʟ” ᴀᴛᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ ɪs ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ.❞ — Jᴀsᴏɴ Oᴡᴇɴs

💗💗💗💓💓💓💘💘💘💯

❞𝐼'𝑑 𝐺𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑦 𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐵𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑠...❞

#Winning

After Several Years Of Disappointments, Setbacks, Heartbreaks And Horrors (This Past 12 Months Having Been The Most Difficult Test Of All)--I Am Finally Firmly On The Path To Having And Being Everything God Predestined For Me And My Life With Certainty... I'm On My Way To The Fulfillment Of Prophecies Spoken Over My Life All Of My Life (Even Before My Literal Backwards Exodus From My Mother's Swollen Womb); To The Realizing Of Dreams, The Blowing Of Minds, The Silencing Of Haters, And, The Sighting Of The Sweetest Revenge By So Many Who Inflicted Upon Me Intentional Hurt And Harm: Success.

And, While This Is Amazingly Validating, Exciting, Gratifying, Fulfilling And Affirming--Today, What Is Pressing Closest To The Surface Of My Soul Is How Much I Wish My Sister...My Father, My Grandmom, My Aunt, My First Cousins...Were Still Here-On Earth-To See Me "Make It"... And, For Some Of These To Maybe, Finally, Even, Truly SEE Me...For My Impending Success To Make Me Visible; Comprehended, In A Way My Love, Loyalty, Longing And Hoop Jumping Efforts For Family-For Connection, And My Mere Existence, Never Seemed To.

I Miss My Sister... I. Miss. My. Sister. Grief Is Such A Funny, Unpredictable Thing. Life Is A Sphere Of Dichotomies. Never All One Thing Or The Other. Always A Blurred Mix Of Ironies And Opposites All At Once... Even Within Us. Even When We Win.

#Winning... But...

#Munchie

Unrequited...

God made me promises about you before I ever knew your name.

God gave me visions of you; who you'd be, what your soul, your character, your nature would look like, before I'd ever seen your face.

So, it never occurred to me that God gave me you before He ever gave me those things by which I would judge and recognize you...

Imagine a broken girl meeting her predestined soul mate as a child, before she had any concept of what a Godly husband or even love itself was really supposed to look like...

"How would you think I'd recognize something that's never been mine...?"

Imagine all the reasons, I didn't, couldn't have known, that it was you. 

That it was always you...

Until now.

Until it was too late...

Old Friends, Foes, And Frenemies...

I Just Ended A Call With The Person Who Represents, Perhaps, One Of The Worst Heartbreaks Of My Life... My Former Best Friend Of Over 20 Years...

No Romantic Split Hurts Like Breaking Up With A Close Friend You've Known Your Entire Life From Early Childhood, Shared Everything With, And Have Incomparable History With. It's True What They Say - You Can't Make A New Old Friend. But, Sometimes As Much As You Love And Miss Someone, Because Of That History, They Are A Luxury Your Heart And Emotions Can No Longer Afford--To Trust, Invest In, Or Depend On... Because You Miss Who They Once Were, Not Who They've Become...

We Were Closer Than Sisters, It's Been Over 8 Years Since We've Spoken, And I Expected Not To Feel Anything Because So Much Time Has Passed, And I Made The Choice To Sever All Ties... Surprise. The Joke Was On Me. Because, That Level Of Effortless Familiarity With Someone Who In Many Ways Is Now A Complete Stranger Hurts Like Hell.

She Was So Happy To Hear My Voice. Giddy, Even. She'd Been On My Mind, Because She Had Run Into My Mom At A Convention And Passed Her Number Through Her To Me Months Earlier. The Amount Of Time It Took Me To Deliberate. Smart. I Guess She Still Knew Me Well Enough To Know Not To Call Even Though My Number Never Changed. I Was Clear On Our Finality. I Am Stern In My Resolve When I Make A Final Decision. I'm A Taurus. I've Always Been...

She Wants To Stay In Touch... Wants To Call And Text Sometimes. She's Clearly Looking For Reconnection. She Was Warm. Vulnerable. Open. I Was As Cold As Ice. Not Because I'm Unfeeling--But Because I Feel Entirely Too Much. There Is Too Much Left Unsaid. Still. Too Much That Was Never Said Even When I Uttered Those Fateful Words Just Before Her Wedding, "Let's Just Not Do This Anymore. You're Not My Friend And You Haven't Been For A Long Time, So Let's Stop Pretending"... It Was The Last Time We Ever Spoke--Until Today.

To Be Clear, It Was No Petty Breakup. It Had Been Building And Festering Inside Of My Heart For Years... Starting With The Day, 10 Years Earlier, When My "Best Friend" Missed My Father's Funeral. My Father Who Had Been Murdered In The Church He Pastored By A Serial Killer Named Juan Covington. That's Just A Snippet From The Highlight Reel Of Selfishness And A Gross Lack In Reciprocity (Though, To Be Clear, Was The Greatest Offense Of All--An Offense That I Swallowed, Accepted Shallow Excuses For, And Moved On From Like Nothing Was Wrong, But Never Fully Rebounded From... A Blunder Of Youth...).

There Are Some Things You Never Forget. And, Forgiveness Feels Hollow When There's Never Been Proper Communique Or Contrition About The Events That Served As Scissors To Cut The Ties That Bound... It's Always Water Under The Bridge When Time Has Gone By For The Offender. Not So Much For The Offended... To Her, The Past Is The Past, So Let's Just Move On From Here And Never Discuss It Honestly, Gain Clarity, Offer Apologies, Etc...

Tell That To My Heart...

I Need To Share Everything That Hurt Me. I Need To Be Understood. I Need Responsibility Taken, And Apologies Offered, Otherwise What Common Ground Could We Ever Have Again With A Tug-of-war Brewing Just Beneath My Surface Every Time We Were To Speak? What Authentic Healing Or Relationship Could Ever Come Out Of Treading Lightly Around The Truth? That Goes Against My Very Nature. It's The Very Reason I Have No Relationship With My Delusional, Oldest Biological Sister. I Can't Live In A Fantasy World Of Fractures, Scars And Gushing Wounds And Pretend They Aren't Bleeding All Over The Floor. I Can't Do Shallow. I Can't Put A Bandaid On Cancer... You Either Kill Cancer Or You Cut It Out... Otherwise, Cancer Kills Everything Around It... Then, You.

So, She Wants To Slowly Attempt To Rebuild Our Friendship--Or, Something Of The Like. She Asked If It Would Be OK If She Kept In Touch... I Realize, In Retrospect, I Sound Like A Monster In This Conversation. I Wasn't. I'm Not. I'm Just Not Emotionally Available To Her, And Thankfully, She Still Knows Me Well Enough To Perceive And Respect That.

She Wants To Be A Part Of My Life. I Think, After Losing My Bio Sister Last Year, Who I Wasn't Nearly As Close To Growing Up, I Just Needed Closure... I Don't Think My Heart Can Risk Anything More. I Don't Think I Have The Strength To Utter The Three Most Basic Words That Must Be Said Because I Think They Will Fall On Deaf Ears...: "You Hurt Me".

No One Can Hurt You Like A Sister/Best/Old Friend... And, I'm Just Not Ready, Or Willing, Or Maybe I'm Just Too Damn Stubborn To Tear Down These Walls And Try Again...💔 I Don't Even Know How... Where Would I Even Begin? I've Always Been Of The Mindset That If You Have To Explain And Justify To Someone How And Why They Hurt You, Then What Is Even The Point? Because, It Is Unlikely They Will Even Understand And You'll Be Left Worse Off Than Before The Attempt Was Made. No, That's Historically Where I Exit Stage Left, For Better Or For Worse. For Safety. And, For Sanity. Even With Family.

Part Of Me Wishes I Was...Open--That I Could Will Myself; My Heart Open. But, I Can Not. With All Of The Shared History, All Of The Unspoken Pain And Contention Of Wounds That Were Left To Fester Too Long In The Emotional Cowardice And Inability To Be Vulnerable Of My Twenties... It Isn't Water Under The Bridge. It's A Gaping Hole In My Heart, And It Just Hurts Too Much To Even Try... I'm Just Not Ready.

I Guess I Just Needed To Say This Out Loud To Whomever Would Listen (Read) Without Judgement... Can Anyone Relate? 💔

On Kim Burrell And The Misrepresentation Of Christians Everywhere By Fundamentalists And The Right (Wrong)...

(This Is Being Copied From A Post/Rant Made On My Facebook Page That Accidentally Turned Into A Blog...)

I Wᴀsɴ'ᴛ Gᴏɪɴɢ Tᴏ Aᴅᴅʀᴇss Tʜɪs Aɢᴀɪɴ, Aɴᴅ I Wᴀs Vᴇʀʏ Gʀᴀᴄᴇғᴜʟ Iɴ Mʏ Oɴʟʏ Aᴅᴅʀᴇss Eᴀʀʟɪᴇʀ Tʜɪs Wᴇᴇᴋ... HOWEVER, I'ᴍ Aɴɢʀʏ Nᴏᴡ! Aɴᴅ, I'ᴍ Tᴏᴏ Sɪᴄᴋ Aɴᴅ Exʜᴀᴜsᴛᴇᴅ Tᴏ Iɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟɪᴢᴇ Iᴛ Aɴᴅ Dᴀᴍᴀɢᴇ Mʏsᴇʟғ Aɴʏ Fᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ--I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP, Sᴏ, Tᴏ Tʜᴀᴛ Eɴᴅ, I Nᴇᴇᴅ Tᴏ Gᴇᴛ Iᴛ Oᴜᴛ. Hᴇʀᴇ Gᴏᴇs...:

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

SERIOUSLY???

Tʜɪs ***KIM BURRELL*** Dᴇʙᴀᴄʟᴇ Is Dᴏɪɴɢ As Mᴜᴄʜ Tᴏ Exᴘᴏsᴇ Mʏ Hᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ HOMOPHOBIC Sᴏ-ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ "CHRISTIAN" Fʀɪᴇɴᴅs As Tʜᴇ ***TRUMP ELECTION*** Dɪᴅ Tᴏ Exᴘᴏsᴇ Mʏ RACIST Aɴᴅ IGNORANT "WHITE FRIENDS" Aɴᴅ Tʀᴜʟʏ Sᴛᴜᴘɪᴅ, Sᴇʟғ Lᴏᴀᴛʜɪɴɢ Fʀɪᴇɴᴅs Oғ Cᴏʟᴏʀ!!!

Tʜɪs Is Nᴏᴛ Eᴠᴇɴ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Kɪᴍ Aɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ! Iᴛ's Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Tʜᴇ Usᴇ Oғ Hᴇʀ Sᴇɴᴛɪᴍᴇɴᴛs As A Dɪᴠɪsɪᴠᴇ Tᴏᴏʟ Oғ Oᴘᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴ Tᴏ Sᴘᴇᴡ Hᴀᴛᴇ Aʟʟ Oᴠᴇʀ Fᴀᴄᴇʙᴏᴏᴋ! I'ᴍ Sᴇʀɪᴏᴜsʟʏ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Tᴏ Gᴏ Oɴ Aɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ Dᴇʟᴇᴛɪɴɢ Sᴘʀᴇᴇ Iғ I Sᴇᴇ Aɴʏ Mᴏʀᴇ Rɪᴅɪᴄᴜʟᴏᴜs Pᴏsᴛs! I'ᴍ Nᴏᴛ Gᴏɪɴɢ Tᴏ Aʀɢᴜᴇ Wɪᴛʜ Pᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ Wʜᴏ Aʀᴇ Lᴇss Iɴғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ Tʜᴀɴ I (Oʀ, Mʏ Iᴠʏ Lᴇᴀɢᴜᴇ Eᴅᴜᴄᴀᴛᴇᴅ Pᴀsᴛᴏʀ, Bɪsʜᴏᴘ, Pʀᴏғᴇssᴏʀ, Bɪʙʟɪᴄᴀʟ Sᴄʜᴏʟᴀʀ, Pʜ.D. Mᴇɴᴛᴏʀs Aɴᴅ Fʀɪᴇɴᴅs Wʜᴏ Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Gɪᴠᴇ Yᴏᴜ A Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Aɴᴅ Lᴇss Eᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ Dʀɪᴠᴇɴ Dɪssᴇʀᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ Tʜᴀɴ I Oɴ Tʜᴇ Mᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ Aᴛ Hᴀɴᴅ) Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Gᴏᴅ AND Tʜᴇ BIBLE. Yᴏᴜ Mᴀʏ Bᴇ Tᴇᴍᴘᴏʀᴀʀɪʟʏ Aʙʟᴇ Tᴏ Hᴏʟʟᴇʀ Lᴏᴜᴅᴇʀ Aɴᴅ Wɪᴛʜ Fᴀʀ Lᴇss Eᴛɪᴏ̨ᴜᴇᴛᴛᴇ Oʀ Cʟᴀss, Bᴜᴛ Tʜᴀᴛ Dᴏᴇsɴ'ᴛ Mᴀᴋᴇ Yᴏᴜʀ Gᴏᴅʟᴇss Sᴇᴘᴀʀᴀᴛɪsᴍ Rɪɢʜᴛ...

Mʏ Gᴏᴅ Is A Gᴏᴅ Oғ LOVE, Aɴᴅ Mᴏsᴛ Oғ Yᴏᴜ Kɴᴏᴡ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ As Mᴜᴄʜ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Gᴇɴᴜɪɴᴇ Bɪʙʟɪᴄᴀʟ Sᴛᴜᴅʏ (Oʀ, Lᴏᴠᴇ) As Yᴏᴜ Dᴏ Pᴀᴋɪsᴛᴀɴɪ Pᴏʟɪᴛɪᴄs... Tʜᴀᴛ Is Tᴏ Sᴀʏ: EXACTLY NOTHING!

Yᴏᴜ BLACK Cʜʀɪsᴛɪᴀɴs Aʀᴇ Esᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ Eᴍʙᴀʀʀᴀssɪɴɢ - (Aɴᴅ, Tᴏ Bᴇ Cʟᴇᴀʀ, I AM Bᴏᴛʜ Bʟᴀᴄᴋ AND Cʜʀɪsᴛɪᴀɴ) - Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Aʟʟ Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ Dᴏɪɴɢ Is Nᴀɪᴠᴇʟʏ Aɴᴅ Hᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟʟʏ Sᴘᴇᴡɪɴɢ Wʜᴀᴛ Wʜɪᴛᴇ Mᴀssᴀ Tᴀᴜɢʜᴛ Yᴏᴜʀ Aɴᴄᴇsᴛᴏʀs...NOT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE STUDIED THROUGH ANY ACCREDITED CLASS AND KNOW TO BE TRUE! Iᴛ's Aᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ "Sɪᴍᴏɴ Sᴀʏs" Eɴ Mᴀssᴇ! Mᴏɴᴋᴇʏ Sᴇᴇ, Mᴏɴᴋᴇʏ Dᴏ... Wʜʏ Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Yᴏᴜ Asᴋ Tʜᴏsᴇ Sʟᴀᴠᴇs Hᴏᴡ Fᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ Tʜᴇ Mɪsɪɴᴛᴇʀᴘʀᴇᴛᴇᴅ Lᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Oғ Tʜᴇ Lᴀᴡ Wᴏʀᴋᴇᴅ Fᴏʀ Tʜᴇᴍ Iɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ Oғ Eᴍʙʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ Tʜᴇ Sᴘɪʀɪᴛ Oғ Iᴛ...! Hᴏᴡ Cᴀɴ Yᴏᴜ Cʟᴀɪᴍ Tᴏ Wᴏʀsʜɪᴘ Iɴ Gᴏᴅ's Pʀᴇsᴇɴᴄᴇ; Tᴏ Lᴏᴠᴇ GOD--Wʜᴏ IS LOVE, Bᴜᴛ Lɪᴠᴇ Iɴ Hᴀᴛᴇ? Hᴏᴡ Aʀᴇ Yᴏᴜ Oᴋ Wɪᴛʜ Iɴᴊᴜsᴛɪᴄᴇ Aɴᴅ Cʀᴜᴇʟᴛʏ Sᴏ Lᴏɴɢ As Iᴛ Dᴏᴇsɴ'ᴛ Aғғᴇᴄᴛ YOU?

Hᴇʀᴇ's A Sᴄʀɪᴘᴛᴜʀᴇ Yᴏᴜ Sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ Pʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ Cᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ Tᴏ Mᴇᴍᴏʀʏ Wʜɪʟᴇ Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ Qᴜᴏᴛɪɴɢ Lᴇᴠɪᴛɪᴄᴜs Aɴᴅ Eᴀᴛɪɴɢ Sʜʀɪᴍᴘ Wʀᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ Iɴ Bᴀᴄᴏɴ...:

"Mɪᴄᴀʜ 6:8

 

       Hᴇ ʜᴀs ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ, O ᴍᴀɴ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ɢᴏᴏᴅ; ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏᴇs ᴛʜᴇ Lᴏʀᴅ ʀᴇᴏ̨ᴜɪʀᴇ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ JUSTICE, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅɴᴇss (KJV = ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ), ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀʟᴋ HUMBLY ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ Gᴏᴅ?"

Oʀ, Hᴏᴡ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ Tʜɪs Oɴᴇ...?

"Mᴀᴛᴛʜᴇᴡ 22:37-40

       37 Jᴇsᴜs sᴀɪᴅ ᴜɴᴛᴏ ʜɪᴍ, Tʜᴏᴜ sʜᴀʟᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Lᴏʀᴅ ᴛʜʏ Gᴏᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜʏ sᴏᴜʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ. 38 Tʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴀɴᴅᴍᴇɴᴛ. 39 Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴜɴᴛᴏ ɪᴛ, Tʜᴏᴜ sʜᴀʟᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜʏ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏᴜʀ ᴀs ᴛʜʏsᴇʟғ. 40 Oɴ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴀɴᴅᴍᴇɴᴛs ʜᴀɴɢ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴘʜᴇᴛs."

Yᴏᴜ AME's Qᴜᴏᴛᴇ Tʜᴀᴛ Oɴᴇ Rʜᴇᴛᴏʀɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ EVERY SUNDAY! (I'ᴠᴇ Pʟᴀʏᴇᴅ Fᴏʀ Eɴᴏᴜɢʜ Oғ Yᴏᴜʀ Cʜᴜʀᴄʜᴇs Tᴏ Kɴᴏᴡ!).

Aɴᴅ, Wʜɪʟᴇ Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Aᴛ Iᴛ, Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Sɪɴɢ Oʀ Pʟᴀʏ Oɴᴇ Sɪɴɢʟᴇ Sᴏɴɢ Wʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ Oʀ Pᴇʀғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ Bʏ Aɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ Qᴜᴇᴇʀ Gᴏsᴘᴇʟ Aʀᴛɪsᴛ EVER (Lɪᴠɪɴɢ Oʀ Dᴇᴀᴅ, GMWA)! OH, WAIT! YOU CAN'T -- BECAUSE YOU'D HAVE ALMOST NOTHING LEFT TO SING (Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Mᴀᴋᴇ Mᴇ Sᴛᴀʀᴛ Nᴀᴍɪɴɢ Yᴏᴜʀ Fᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇs!)! Iғ Eᴠᴇʀʏ LGBTQIA Pᴇʀsᴏɴ Iɴ Cʜᴜʀᴄʜ (Esᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ Lᴇᴀᴅᴇʀsʜɪᴘ) Wᴀs Oᴜᴛᴛᴇᴅ Aᴛ Oɴᴄᴇ, Yᴏᴜ'ᴅ Pʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ Hᴀᴠᴇ A Mᴀss Sᴛʀᴏᴋᴇ! Aɴᴅ, Yᴏᴜ Hᴏᴍᴏᴘʜᴏʙɪᴄ CHURCH Mᴜsɪᴄɪᴀɴs Rᴇᴀʟʟʏ Nᴇᴇᴅ Tᴏ Qᴜɪᴛ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Yᴏᴜ Kɴᴏᴡ Iɴ Yᴏᴜʀ Hᴇᴀʀᴛs Hᴀʟғ Oғ Yᴏᴜʀ Hᴏᴍɪᴇs Aɴᴅ Mᴏsᴛ Oғ Yᴏᴜʀ Mᴇɴᴛᴏʀs Aʀᴇ GAY, GAY, GAY! Sᴏ, Hᴀᴠᴇ Sᴇᴠᴇʀᴀʟ 🛋️🛋️🛋️!

I Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Dᴏ Sᴛᴜᴘɪᴅ, Iɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ Iɢɴᴏʀᴀɴᴛ, Aɴᴅ I Esᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Dᴏ Tʜᴇᴍ Wɪᴛʜ Hᴀᴛᴇ Mɪxᴇᴅ Iɴ, Aɴᴅ Iɴ Tʜᴇ Nᴀᴍᴇ Oғ Mʏ Gᴏᴅ! Pɪᴄᴋ Uᴘ A Bᴏᴏᴋ... Tᴀᴋᴇ A Cʟᴀss! Gᴏᴅ Aɴᴅ Sᴄɪᴇɴᴄᴇ Aʀᴇ NOT Mᴜᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ Exᴄʟᴜsɪᴠᴇ! LEARN SOMETHING! Aɴᴅ, Wʜɪʟᴇ Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ Gɪᴠɪɴɢ Yᴏᴜʀ Hᴇᴀʀᴛ Tᴏ Jᴇsᴜs, BRING YOUR BRAIN TO CHURCH!

Yᴏᴜ Aʀᴇ NOT Fɪᴛ Tᴏ Jᴜᴅɢᴇ ANYBODY! Aɴᴅ, Iғ Yᴏᴜ Dᴏ Tʜɪɴᴋ Oғ Yᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ "Mᴏʀᴇ Hɪɢʜʟʏ Tʜᴀɴ Yᴏᴜ Oᴜɢʜᴛ", I Pʀᴀʏ Yᴏᴜʀ Hɪᴅᴅᴇɴ Pʟᴀᴄᴇs Gᴇᴛ Exᴘᴏsᴇᴅ, Tᴏᴏ. Mᴀʏʙᴇ Tʜᴇ Oɴʟʏ Wᴀʏ Tᴏ Lᴇᴀʀɴ Hᴏᴡ Tᴏ Lᴏᴠᴇ Lɪᴋᴇ Tʜᴇ Cʜʀɪsᴛ Yᴏᴜ Cʟᴀɪᴍ Tᴏ Sᴇʀᴠᴇ Is Tᴏ Bᴇ Hᴜᴍʙʟᴇᴅ Iɴ PUBLIC, Sᴏ Yᴏᴜ'ʟʟ Sᴇᴇ Tʜᴀᴛ Yᴏᴜ Aʀᴇ Nᴏ Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Tʜᴀɴ Tʜᴏsᴇ Yᴏᴜ Pᴜʙʟɪᴄʟʏ Cᴏɴᴅᴇᴍɴ...

I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I Dᴏɴ'ᴛ Wᴀɴᴛ Tᴏ Hᴇᴀʀ, Sᴇᴇ, Oʀ Dɪsᴄᴜss Tʜɪs Aɴʏ Fᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ Iɴ Dᴇʙᴀᴛᴇ. Iғ Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ Nᴏᴛ Tʀʏɪɴɢ Tᴏ Lᴇᴀʀɴ Aɴᴅ Gʀᴏᴡ Aɴᴅ Wᴀʟᴋ Iɴ Aɢᴀᴘᴇ, Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ Mɪss Mᴇ Wɪᴛʜ Tʜᴇ Fᴏᴏʟɪsʜɴᴇss.

GOD LOVES EVERYBODY! Aɴᴅ, Gᴏᴅ Cᴀɴ Usᴇ ANYBODY!

#GᴇᴛIɴᴛᴏIᴛOʀGᴇᴛOᴠᴇʀIᴛ #LᴏᴠᴇIsAʟʟ

I Lᴏᴠᴇ Yᴏᴜ ALL, Bᴜᴛ Mʏ Bɪʙʟᴇ NEVER Sᴀɪᴅ I Cᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ Lᴏᴠᴇ Yᴏᴜ Fʀᴏᴍ A Dɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ. Gᴇᴛ RIGHT Oʀ Gᴇᴛ LEFT! Sʜᴀʟᴏᴍ.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

PS: Iғ Yᴏᴜ Cᴏᴍᴇ Fᴏʀ Mᴇ Wʀᴏɴɢ (Dɪsʀᴇsᴘᴇᴄᴛғᴜʟʟʏ) Oɴ MY Pᴀɢᴇ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ MY Pᴏsᴛ, Yᴏᴜ Wɪʟʟ Gᴇᴛ Dʀᴀɢɢᴇᴅ (Bʏ A Mᴜʟᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ - Sʜᴇ/Mᴇ/Hᴇʀ Is Lᴏᴠᴇᴅ Bʏ A Gʀᴇᴀᴛ Mᴀɴʏ Cʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ Wʜᴏ Aʟsᴏ Lᴏᴠᴇ Jᴇsᴜs)!

 

#YᴏᴜᴠᴇBᴇᴇɴWᴀʀɴᴇᴅ

...On Being Single, Christian, And Female Over 30 In 2016...

BEING SINGLE IS HARD

(The Article That Sparked This Conversation)

#THIS Article (Link Above) Is As Real As It Gets...

We Were Made To Be Coupled, And There Isn't A Flaw In Knowing That A Huge Portion Of Your Destiny Is Attached To The Mate That God's Chosen For You In His Perfect Will - And, Even A Permissive Will Partner Might Be More Desirable Than An Eternity Of Singleness Some Days... Yet, For The Single Amongst Us - The "Church" Is Negligent...

Being Single Doesn't Mean You're Not Ready Or Not Whole... Some Of You Couples Just Settled Rather Than Being Alone While We Continue To Ready Ourselves For Someone Who's Face We've Never Seen (And, That's Called #Faith). And--The Not Settling - That Proves Both #SelfLoveMastery, #Wholeness And #Readiness... #RealTalk

#SoWeWorkWhileWeWait
#ProactiveAndOverPrepared

PS: Here Is A Poignant Response To This Article:

 WHAT SHALL WE SAY TO THESE THINGS? THE IMPLICATIONS OF BLACK WOMEN'S SINGLENESS

And, The Tree Was Happy... (The Christ-Like Tree)

I Fɪɴᴅ Tʀᴇᴍᴇɴᴅᴏᴜs Pᴇᴀᴄᴇ, Sᴀᴛɪsғᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ Aɴᴅ Jᴏʏ Iɴ Hᴀᴠɪɴɢ Eᴍᴘᴀᴛʜʏ Aɴᴅ Aɢᴀᴘᴇ Fᴏʀ Tʜᴏsᴇ Iɴ Mʏ Lɪғᴇ Wʜᴏ Aʀᴇɴ'ᴛ Nᴇᴄᴇssᴀʀɪʟʏ Wᴏʀᴛʜʏ, Bᴜᴛ Wʜᴏ Hᴀᴠᴇ Fᴏᴜɴᴅ A Pʟᴀᴄᴇ Iɴ Mʏ Hᴇᴀʀᴛ Nᴏɴᴇᴛʜᴇʟᴇss... Iᴛ Dᴏᴇs Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ Fᴏʀ Mʏ Sᴏᴜʟ Tᴏ Bᴇ Aʙʟᴇ Tᴏ Sᴇᴇ Tʜᴇ Pᴀɪɴ, Rᴏᴏᴛs Aɴᴅ Iɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴs Bᴇɴᴇᴀᴛʜ Bᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ Tʜᴀᴛ Mɪɢʜᴛ Oᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪsᴇ Cᴀᴜsᴇ Mᴇ Tᴏ Iɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟɪᴢᴇ, Pᴜᴛ Uᴘ Wᴀʟʟs, Bᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ Oғғᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ, Dᴇғᴇɴsɪᴠᴇ Aɴᴅ Wɪᴛʜᴅʀᴀᴡ...

"Tʜᴇ Gɪᴠɪɴɢ Tʀᴇᴇ" Wᴀs Mʏ Fᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ Bᴏᴏᴋ Wʜᴇɴ I Wᴀs A Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ Gɪʀʟ, Aʟᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ Aᴛ Tʜᴇ Tɪᴍᴇ, Nᴏ Oɴᴇ Uɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴏᴏᴅ Wʜʏ... Iᴛ Sᴇᴇᴍs Tʜᴀᴛ Nᴏ Mᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ Oᴜʀ Jᴏᴜʀɴᴇʏ, Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Wʜᴏ Wᴇ Aʀᴇ, Aɴᴅ Mʏ Hᴇᴀʀᴛ Hᴀs Fᴏᴜɴᴅ Iᴛ's Wᴀʏ Bᴀᴄᴋ Tᴏ Iᴛ's Rᴏᴏᴛs Aɴᴅ Mʏ Tʀᴜᴛʜ. Tᴏ Tʜᴇ Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ Gɪʀʟ Wʜᴏ Lᴏᴠᴇᴅ Tʜᴀᴛ Tʀᴇᴇ. Iᴛ Gɪᴠᴇs Mᴇ Pʟᴇᴀsᴜʀᴇ Tᴏ Gɪᴠᴇ Lᴏᴠᴇ Aᴡᴀʏ. Tʜᴀᴛ Bᴏᴏᴋ Vᴀʟɪᴅᴀᴛᴇᴅ Mʏ Sᴏᴜʟ Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ I Wᴀs Eᴠᴇɴ Oʟᴅ Eɴᴏᴜɢʜ Tᴏ Uɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ Wʜʏ Oʀ Wʜᴀᴛ Iᴛ Mᴇᴀɴᴛ.

I Lᴏᴠᴇ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I Dᴏ. Nᴏᴛ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Iᴛ Is Mᴇʀɪᴛᴇᴅ Oʀ Rᴇᴄɪᴘʀᴏᴄᴀʟ. Nᴏᴛ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Iᴛ's Wᴇʟʟ Dᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. Nᴏᴛ Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Tʜᴏsᴇ I Cʜᴏᴏsᴇ Tᴏ Lᴏᴠᴇ Aʟᴡᴀʏs Tʀᴇᴀᴛ Mᴇ Wᴇʟʟ. Lᴏᴠᴇ Sɪᴍᴘʟʏ Is. Wʜᴇɴ I Aᴍ Mʏ Bᴇsᴛ Sᴇʟғ, Iᴛ Is Mʏ Cʜᴏɪᴄᴇ: Mʏ Oɴʟʏ Cʜᴏɪᴄᴇ, Rᴇɢᴀʀᴅʟᴇss Oғ Iᴛ Aʟʟ. Aɴᴅ Eᴠᴇɴ Wʜᴇɴ Iᴛ Hᴜʀᴛs, I Aᴍ Fᴀʀ Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Tʜɪs Wᴀʏ...Lᴇᴀʀɴɪɴɢ Tᴏ Lᴏᴠᴇ, Iɴ Pᴀᴛɪᴇɴᴄᴇ, Aɴᴅ Iɴ Pʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ, Wɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ Cᴏɴᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴs, Aɴᴅ Wɪʟʟɪɴɢ Tᴏ Gɪᴠᴇ Mʏ Aʟʟ...
‪

‎#AɴᴅTʜᴇTʀᴇᴇWᴀsHᴀᴘᴘʏ‬‬

Intimacy... (Extension Of "The Manual")

If You Really Want To Impress Me With A Great Date, Invite Me To Pray With You - Genuinely, As The Point And The Purpose Of Our Coming Together... #Presence

If You Want To Wow Me, Up The Ante To WORSHIP... #Intimacy

If You Can Truly Usher Me Into God's Authentic Presence And Connect With Me Profoundly In That Experience, You Just Might Have Me At Hello...

#SpiritualGSpot
#SatisfyMySoul
#HappySonDay

Missing Pieces...

As I Washed My Face Tonight, I Was Momentarily Frozen. I Just Stared And Stared At My Own Reflection...

In That Moment, I Realized That There Used To Be 2 People In The World Who Looked A Great Deal Like Me - Who's Faces Alone Gave Me A True Sense Of Belonging: My Mom And My Sister.

Now, There Is Only One. Perhaps, One Day, None...

There Is Somehow A Loneliness In That Revelation. A Coming To Terms--Sorrowfully... Maybe At Least One Of My Future Babies Will Look Like Me, Too. Not For Vanity -- Just For Continuity. Connection. Sameness. Family...

#MissingPieces
#MissingSisters
#BreastCancer
#Munchie

The Counterfeit: And, How NOT To Settle...

This Is A Word...

***A Good Counterfeit Can Fool The Masses, But It Cannot Fool The Master!***

Sometimes We Ask God To Reveal Someone's Character, Motives Or Heart To Us...Then When He Does, We Almost Don't Want To Believe It...

But, When Someone Shows/Tells You Who They Are, And Especially If God Exposes Their True Nature, BELIEVE IT!

When We Pray This Prayer, We're Not Always Prepared For The Outcome, Especially When The Good Doesn't Outweigh The Bad...

Our Hearts Are Eternal Optimists...Hopeless Romantics - Holding Onto Scraps And The Earliest Presentation Of Good Against All Else When The Ugly Truth Is Revealed... I Am The Queen Of This Misguided, Self Destructive, Loving Dysfunction...Holding Onto The Little Good When The Bad Has Swallowed It Whole Without A Trace...(#ImGrowing)

But, If You Pray This Prayer, And The Red Flags Turn Into Flaming Red Fires, Pick Up The Little Broken Pieces Of Your Heart, Give Them Back To God, And Trust Him That He Has Exposed These Things To Protect You From Harm And Prepare You For Greater...No Matter How Good It Felt Or How Deep The Connection SEEMED...

Letting Go Might Hurt Right Now, But That Pain Is To Save You From Yourself...And From Wasting Your Time And Your Love On Something Unworthy Of You... A Little Heartbreak Now Or A Completely Broken You Later... Choose To Love Yourself First, Let It Go, And Wait On The Right One...

***Remember A Good Counterfeit Can Fool The Masses, But It Cannot Fool The Master!***

So, Trust Him To Write Your Love Story And Get Out Of The Way...

#GodLovesYouMore

#DontSettle

I'm Getting Really Good At Letting Go Of What And Who Is Not Good Or Meant For Me (QUICKLY), Even When My Heart / Soul Doesn't Want To, Or It Glitters Like A Starry Night Despite My Better Judgement... I Can't Hang Onto Anyone Who Diminishes Me, Who's Words And (Mis)Perception Of Me Insult My Soul, Or Anyone Who Has More Future Potential In My Life Than Present Contribution And Value All Dependent Upon Who They May Become When God Has Completed The Work. Not Even For The Prettiest Smile In The World... I Shouldn't Be More Enamored With The Idea And Possibility Of You Than I Am With The Reality Of You... 

(And, I was).

My 2014 Lesson; The Established Rule For Moving Forward: If I Have To Constantly Justify My Interaction With You To Myself, Justify Your Inconsistent Or Selfish Behavior, Justify The Way I Feel When I Leave Your Presence, All While Hoping For Something Better Or Different In The Future From A Place Inside Of You That Is Rarely Exposed And May No Longer Be Authentic (If It Was Ever - You Might Just Be a Good *Ahem* Actor...IJS): That's My Cue. It's Time To Press Delete. Your Brokenness Is Not My Fault Or Responsibility. I'm Not Meant To Walk On Eggshells Or Be Punished, Constantly Corrected, Gaslighted, Manipulated Or Controlled... And Why Be Around Someone When I'm Doing Most Of The Work, They Don't Honor Their Word, AND I Don't Like The Way They Make Me Feel...?

If You're Meant To Be In My Life, God Will Complete The Circle. Until Then, I'm Better Off Taking Care Of Myself And Not Adding To My Soul The Burden Of Internalizing You... Unconditional / Agape Love Does Not Equal Martyrdom. I Can Love You From A Distance. I've Learned To Let Go...

‪#‎IHaveTheGiftOfGoodbye‬

My Favorite LOVE Poems By Saul...

The Wind’s Song 

by

Saul Williams

The square root of kiss is a hum

I hum under my breath when I contemplate the drum

of your heartbeat

and my heart beats for your breath

I revel in the wind for mere glimpses

I’m tornado over you

would you look into the eye of my storm

I whirlwind through your life like breeze

and fill your lungs

as we achieve the second power of a hum

I love…

as instruments come to life

through breath

the wind sends my high notes to indigo communions

with Coltrane’s Favorite Things

…this is my body which is given for you,

this is my blood which is given for you…

my love like the wind, uncaged

blows time into timeless whirlpools

transfiguring fear and all of its subordinates

(possession, jealousy, fear)

into crumbling dried leaves

my love

is the wind’s slave

and, thus, is free

my love

is the wind that is shaped

as it passes through the lips of earthly vessels

becoming words of wisdom

songs of freedom

or simply hot air

my love

is the wind’s song

if it is up to me, I’ll never die.

if it is up to me, I’ll die tomorrow

one thousand times in an hour and live seven minutes later.

if it is up to me, the sun will never cease to shine

and the moon will never cease to glow

and I’ll dance a million tomorrows

in the sun rays of the moon waves

and bathe in the yesterdays of days to come

ignoring all of my afterthoughts

and preconceived notions

if it is up to me, it is up to me

and thus is my love

untainted

eternal

the wind is the moon’s imagination wandering

it seeps through cracks

explores the unknown

and

ripples the grass

my love is my soul’s imagination

how do I love thee?

imagine

- from The Seventh Octave - The Early Writings of Saul Stacey Williams

***AND THIS***

ETERNITY

I closed my eyes
Although I never knew the difference
I stood before a brighter light
At lesser distance
And then, a feeling.
Almost as if nothing were ever
Bound to repeat itself again.
As if history had been as masterfully created
As the great pyramids
And any attempt to reconstruct
Or relive any given moment
Would have to stem from an understanding
Of how the pyramids were built from the top down.
And if one could understand such majesty
One would also understand that kisses hold codes
For unlocking new portals
And that pyramids were first made of flesh
Our bonded souls shifting
Through hidden corrals and passageways
I will find my way to eternity
Within you...

~ Saul Williams ~

Pining For The One...

My heart and mind,
Body and soul
Are united in chorus
Screaming for you:
My Muse...
My Song...
"My angel, my all, my other self;
My immortal beloved"...

Your touch.
Your kiss.
Your body.
Your love...
Your love.
To touch your love.
And call you home.

Please come soon...

~AnOmali™~

Just A Tiny Note In Time...Just In Case...

Every Now And Then You Meet And Have An Organic And Profound Connection With Someone...

You Have A Conversation That, Not Only Changes Your Energy Entirely, Soothes Your Soul, And Challenges Your Jade, But Also Exceeds Your Expectations In EVERY Conceivable Way...

This Is Someone With Whom You Vibe On Every Level Effortlessly...Spiritually, Emotionally, Intellectually; You Share Values, Perspectives, Depth, And Suddenly You Feel Validated Beyond Belief Just As You Are And A Whole Lot Less Alone In The World...

Especially If You're An "AnOmali"...

Yeah...Today Was A Good Day...

*smiles... ... ...*

‪#‎Grateful‬
‪#‎RealConnection‬

And It's Never Enough...

I've infinite options

And none with a clue

They dance for my smiles

The unwitting fools

Because they don't realize

The God awful truth

I'll only resent them

For not being you...

On Invisible Love...

It doesn't matter that I miss you
'Cause you just won't treat me right
Matters not how much I love you
'Cause you put up no real fight
I just wish I had an anchor
To the truth of my heart's plight
So I'd stop wishing you would fix it
Wish you could with all my might...

But you can't.
And you won't.
And I hate
How my heart hopes
For the impossible...